


if you only knew how much it hurts me

by Brie (Kura)



Series: Let The World Know [8]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Gen, M/M, Manipulation, Money in the Bank fallout, Phone Calls, light biting, mentions of a handjob, the Authority - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:33:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1868058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura/pseuds/Brie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>'But I'm still your boy, right? I mean, you tried to draw me out tonight after your match calling me your boy.' He's probably clutching at straws here, but it has to mean something that Dean has said that right after he'd won, expecting – wanting – Seth to come at him.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>There's a thin laugh coming through the speakers, followed by a very fond, 'Yeah.' He has to smile at that and hugs the pillow closer to his chest. 'You're still on my shit list though.' Of course he is.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one is the loneliest number

**Author's Note:**

> Smackdown is just over, Money in the Bank right before them and still there is some time left for Dean and Seth to try and fix things.
> 
> I really wanted to post this before MitB, so there may be some mistakes in here that I just can't find right now. Sorry about that. Other than that, I wish you tons of fun for the fic and the PPV later. I wish I could watch it too.

Seth has just buried his face in the pillows and turned off the light to get some much needed sleep – he hasn't properly rested more than three hours a night since all of this started – when his phone chimes up, disrupting his attempt to drift off into a restless slumber.

_Trouble in paradise?_

It's Dean.

Wait a second. _It's Dean!_

After almost eleven days of stubborn silence – which okay, is actually Seth's fault but Dean could have also started a conversation – there is finally a sign of life from his brothers. Other than the short encounters they had on and off air on Raw, Smackdown and the house shows.

But they had never been alone, so Seth couldn't risk talking to them, even though it's all he wanted to do this past week. There is so much they have to sort out, so much Seth has to fix, and at the same time he has to be on his guard 24/7 to not fuck up his charade.

He's a bit in too deep, if he's being honest with himself. But he'll rather chop his hands off than tell that Dean. So he types back a _What do you mean?_.

As far as he can remember he did everything right tonight. He gloated about being the best and attacked Dean from behind to give him a Peace of Mind, yelling some stupid stuff about his time and how he'll keep an eye on him.

Even though he feels bad for curb stomping Dean week after week after week and fighting like a coward, he thinks he's pulled off a pretty believable performance. He even managed to not touch Dean more than necessary with all the cameras fixed on them.

(But the urge to do so, to make sure he hasn't injured him, is almost too much to bear every time.)

Moonlight illuminates his tiny hotel room and he watches how he headlights of bypassing cars cast bizarre shadows on his walls until Dean deigns to answer him. (It takes his brother five minutes and forty-six seconds to do so. He's probably joked with Roman about all of this before he picked up his phone again.)

_You and your new boy toy Randy._

Is that a hint of jealousy? Or just Dean's usual sarcastic, slightly insulting attitude? Without being able to see Dean's face, Seth can't tell anymore. It's one of those things that drive him insane if he thinks about them for too long.

_No, wedding in LV is still planned for next month._

He wishes he could be there with his brother right now, so it'd be easier to talk to him, react to every little detail in the right way. Texts are so impersonal, can be deceiving and misleading. He has enough of that in his life already; he doesn't need it when he's trying to mend things with Dean and Roman.

_Aw, come on. Don't take this away from us. Let us enjoy the fact that no matter where you go these days, no one is able to trust you._

He knows Dean wants to rile him up, get some revenge for everything he has done. And it's working. He feels like the biggest piece of trash that has ever walked the earth since he turned on his family. His brothers treating him like this is justice, he knows, but it still hurts a lot more than he can deal with.

 _Knock yourself out_ , he writes back, once again ready to try and fall asleep (because this conversation is not the one he wants to have with Dean – it's not even close) and escape the harsh reality he has created for himself.

_Anyone but daddy. Tell me, pretty boy, is there a lot of cock sucking involved?_

Wow. That's just... that's a real low blow. It's obvious Dean is still not over everything Seth has done – but seriously, could his brothers give him a damn break? He's trying so hard to help them, risks his neck to do so and all he gets is _this_?

Makes him wonder sometimes why he even fights so hard to get Dean back.

He listens to a couple walking down the floor outside, yelling at each other before they start to giggle. They remind Seth of Dean and him and it stings somewhere deeps inside his chest, making it hard to breathe. He wants his old life back.

He wants Dean and Roman back. Wants to be together with his family; travel and train with them, make fun of everyone, not taking shit from anybody. He wants to turn around and see someone he loves standing there. Not Randy, not Triple H.

Seth can't believe he fucked up so badly; that one of _his_ plans backfired in the worst possible way.

_Can I call you?_

His fingers have typed the message before he even finished his internal argument about the pros and cons of sending it. He stares at his phone for a while, taps on the screen to keep the light shining, so he won't be trapped in the darkness all by himself.

It has long stopped being his only comfort and instead just drags him closer to the abyss.

He doesn't expect Dean to answer. A simple text to remind Seth of how far away they are from having even a normal business relationship is always possible. But he's really pretty sure that Dean won't split the difference. He won't make it easy for Seth; not even in the slightest.

His phone rings a few minutes later, proving him once again wrong when it comes to Dean Ambrose. He's never been able to control Dean, let alone predict him. That's part of what makes him so interesting.

_I'm sure you have the physical ability to do so._

That's neither a yes nor a no. And so typical for Dean to leave him hanging in mid-air, struggling for every little thing. This is nothing compared to what awaits Seth today at the house show or tomorrow at Money in the Bank and it feels like Dean's behavior is slowly killing him.

_Will you pick up?_

Seth doesn't want to beg; not yet. Not before he has started his probably endless quest to conquer Dean's heart.

Someone with heavy boots stomps down the floor, making Seth's metal bedframe shake with ever step that person takes. This is by far the shabbiest place he's found accommodation in.

_Why don't you find out?_

Yeah, because a simple _yes_ or _no_ would be too much to ask for. Well, here goes nothing. Dean's number is still the most prominent in his memory, so he doesn't even need to find his brother in the contacts; he just types in the numbers and listens to his heartbeat speeding up with each ring.

Dean picks up after the sixth one, catching Seth totally by surprise. He'd expected to be let down, to have to end the call on his own. 'Hi,' is all Seth can squeeze out of his dry mouth, swallowing hard to get rid of the nervousness taking hold of his body.

'Hi,' Dean greets him back, no hint of wrath or disappointment in his voice. Seth can hear Roman saying something in the back and Dean answers, 'I'll be outside.' The way he has emphasized it makes Seth think that it is some kind of code he doesn't understand.

Maybe Dean signaled Roman to interfere whenever he wants to, saving Dean from Seth's onslaught. He's been separated from them for too long to still feel like their brother. Just listening to that small interaction makes him sick and lets him realize he's no longer a part of their lives.

He wants back in.

Seth speaks up as soon as he hears a car door slam shut. 'How are you?' He's asking because Dean fell kinda weird when Seth had pushed him against the steel steps earlier, making his movements slow and sluggish – which is so weird for Dean.

'Fine,' he gets the clipped answer that tells him that Dean is anything but okay. Seems like he has to worm everything out of him bit by bit. Dean is totally set on driving him crazy, no matter what he does. And he deserves that, he knows, but he sometimes wishes Dean would go easy on him. Just once in a while.

'You didn't hurt yourself on those steps?' Dean sighs loudly, clearly exasperated because they're dancing around the elephant in the room, but he needs to give Seth some more time. Planning out a strategy to win Dean over is totally fruitless, because Dean messes with each and every one Seth comes up with.

He'll have to improvise a lot and that needs some preparation. As strange as it may sound. Seth knows that barging at Dean will just make things worse. He has to be careful, make one step at a time until Dean lowers his guard and lets him in, so he can start fighting the real battle.

'Believe it or not, you curb stomping me yet again was way worse.' Yeah, Seth has lost count of how many times he's delivered the Peace of Mind to Dean since his departure, but he can imagine that it's not the best feeling in the world to get one. 'Sorry about that,' he murmurs, but Dean grunts angrily into the phone, making him shut up immediately.

'Don't. That's not what you should be apologizing for.' There's a lot Seth has to make up for. Dean isn't the only one who needs to hear a good excuse. Roman is in line for one too.

But it's harder than Seth had imagined to find the proper way to do it. Simply saying _I'm sorry_ won't cut it. Actions must speak louder than words and Seth is working on that every second of the day.

'How's Roman?' He would love to tell Dean how proud he is that his big brother hasn't only taken out Kane tonight, but also Randy Orton. He's been with the Authority for three weeks now and he's already fed up with Orton's behavior.

It's always I want this, I want that, I'm the best, worship me, I'm gonna kick your ass, blah blah. Dean is right, there is trouble in paradise. But that is actually part of Seth's plan. At least something is working out perfectly, so he should try to stick to it. No matter how hard it might be.

'Nervous and excited. But mostly he's just very chipper because of MitB.' That's more than Seth has expected to hear and it makes him a bit hesitant of how to proceed. Dean is unwontedly cooperative. God, he's so not able to work out Dean.

'I hope he wins.' And he really does. Roman's time might not be there yet – he still has to learn a lot – but who says that he can't do that while he's the WWE champion? Seth thinks his brother deserves to win; not only because it would help Seth a lot with his scheming, but also because of every hardship Roman had to go through until now.

But even if he doesn't climb that ladder to retrieve the two belts, it's pretty clear that Roman's time to reign will come soon. There is so much potential sleeping in that man that it's almost enough to make him jealous.

'Me too,' comes the hesitant reply. It's not because Dean doesn't believe in Roman. It's more likely because Dean is worried that someone (Seth and the Authority) will do something that'll cost Roman his big chance. Yet he doesn't address this matter. At least for now.

Seth pulls the covers up a bit higher, so he almost hides his face with them, closes his eyes and pretends for a blissful moment that Dean is lying here with him. It makes everything so much easier if Dean is by his side – even if it's just in his imagination.

'You did something very noble today,' he whispers after a while to break the comfortable silence. Dean huffs out a tired laugh and Seth runs his hand over the sheets, trying to reach for someone who isn't there anymore. 'I'm not an asshole all the time,' his brother answers, the words bitter and meant to hurt.

As if Seth ever said he is one. (Yes, Seth has claimed Dean to be a raging lunatic, a rabid animal, something that should be on a leash, in a straightjacket or a rubber room. But he's never once told the people Dean was an asshole. Because that would have been the biggest lie of them all.)

'But you don't even like Wade,' he pushes on, eager to be allowed a tiny glimpse into that beautifully complicated mind. 'I like Swagger even less. Besides, it's cowardly to attack someone who's already battered and bruised.'

Okay, he got the hint. Yet he can't stop with his attacks from behind, or Hunter will get suspicious. Even if he has to fight against nausea and his own conscience every time he hits Dean with a curb stomp, he is forced to keep up his facade.

'You could have let the referee take care of it. There was no need to interfere,' Seth pushes on some more, not yet satisfied with Dean's explanation. Dean draws in a deep breath, probably even rolls his eyes at him. He can't even begin to tell how much he wants Dean to be here with him right now.

Not to attack him with his love. No, just to lie next to him, listen to his heartbeat, holding hands. Just to know he's still alive and that everything is okay.

'Look, I saw Wade clapping on Swagger's leg while holding his shoulder and I knew something was wrong. Usually the guys in the locker room respect each other enough to fuck off in such a moment. But since you've never been in the locker room, you wouldn't know. And since Swagger is that stupid moron that he is, I knew he wouldn't stop either. So I intervened. Until you took me out. Is that good enough for you?'

So Roman and Dean are hanging out in the locker room now? That's new. And weird. Seth can imagine how his betrayal has changed some of the guys' opinions about them, but he's fairly sure that his brothers don't appreciate any kind of sympathy. He sincerely hopes they mostly keep to themselves in there.

He doesn't want everything to change without him being around. But it's probably too much to ask for.

'Now it's your turn. Tell me about that plan b.' He scoffs, gripping the sheets tightly to anchor himself. His head is spinning, this whole conversation already too much to handle – and they haven't even started with the grown up talk yet.

'Dean, I can't,' he tries to appeal to his brother's reason. He can't share all parts of his plan, especially if the Authority is involved and if it's Dean who's asking. He wouldn't tell Roman either; doesn't want them to worry too much. They should concentrate on their matches without getting disturbed by anything else.

'Can't or won't?' Dean bites out grumpily; every word slapping him hard in the face. Dean will misinterpret this, but Seth has no valid argument to convince him of the opposite. 'I can't,' he stresses out, 'so let's just hope it won't come to plan b.'

There's some rustling in the background Seth can't place, but it interrupts his nice fantasy of having Dean next to him, so he ignores it as best as he can. 'I swear to God, if you ruin Ro's big chance tomorrow–' 'Dean, it's my _job_ right now. I can't say no, if Hunter demands interference from me. I have to do what–' This time Dean doesn't let him finish his sentence, interjecting, 'What's best for business, yeah, I've heard.'

'– what I have to do,' Seth says as if he hasn't heard Dean talking. 'I can't risk getting caught.' There's a huge amount of pleading going on right now; he's asking for blind faith and it's totally understandable that neither Dean nor Roman are willing to give it to him.

All he can do is constantly remind them that he's still their little brother. Whatever that's worth these days.

Dean sighs tiredly and Seth can make out some scratching sounds, as if he's rubbing with the phone over his stubble. 'I don't wanna talk about this.' 'Yeah, me neither,' Seth answers a bit shyly, unsure if now's the right time to make a move forward. 'Can we talk about us?'

If he won't jump into the unknown, he'll never get anywhere.

Dean stays silent and it shouldn't make Seth's whole body trembling with fear, but then he listens to his friend breathing in and out, mentally preparing himself for what's to come, saying kind of defeated, 'Sure. Whatever.'

Minutes pass without them talking to each other, the silence getting uncomfortable to the point that Seth cringes whenever he hears Dean breathe. He's about to utter something when Dean sneezes three times in a row, wheezing, 'This is so awkward.'

Seth laughs a bit stiffly, sliding under the covers completely to shield himself from the world outside. 'So, what did you have in mind, Seth? Asking me how I feel about you; if I love you?'

He tries to hear every nuance in Dean's voice, every shade of his true emotions, but Dean has chosen to say this in a pretty neutral tone. Seth can't read shit into it. 'Something like that,' he admits and hugs the second pillow close to his chest, imagining it to be Dean.

If he concentrates very hard, he can even smell his brother's fragrance and feel his presence as if he's really lying beside him.

Dean blows out some air, showing the first signs of frustration. 'I don't know. The lines are kinda blurred since you sold out.'

Seth is trying very hard to not lose it, because these words are exactly what he feared to hear, never wanted to hear. Not from Dean. Someone in this run-down hotel could shoot Seth right now, multiple times, and that would still hurt less.

Breathing, something that's entirely natural, is suddenly the hardest task ever, because he has to watch out that Dean won't get wind of it. He doesn't want to appear weak. Not if Dean isn't as affected by all this as he is.

'Is there anything I can do to take us back to where we were before?' It's a miracle that he has been able to say this without breaking out in sobs or his voice shaking. 'Unless you can turn back time, no.'

Boom. Last nail in the coffin.

'Then what? I have already lost?' Before the fight has even started. That's unfair. He didn't even have a chance to prove he's worthy of Dean.

There's a tiny sigh on the other end and Seth fears Dean will hang up any second because he's sick and tired of dealing with him. But then Dean mumbles something that sounds a lot like, 'No one said that. All you have to do is make me fall for you again.'

Is he seriously giving Seth a second (third? Tenth? He doesn't know anymore) chance and telling him what to do? He's about to start a happy rambling, when it hits him and he truly understands what Dean has just said.

Some people would think it'd be easy for Seth to just do whatever he did in FCW, so that he catches Dean's eyes once again. But the thing is, Seth hasn't done anything back then. Or at least, nothing spectacular that he can remember. He had just been himself.

Dean has done all the work. At least that's what Seth remembers. Sure, it had been him who had made the first step after TLC but other than that, he never did anything out of the ordinary.

'But you fell for me first in FCW. I didn't do anything at all.' He's complaining, he can hear that, but he won't ever be able to recreate the magic that had happened between them back then. In 2011, Seth and Dean had just clashed and started to gravitate around each other.

It had been a complete coincidence. Unavoidable and beautiful.

'It's up to you, Seth. If you want me in your life, then you'll have to work for it. If you don't–' ' _No_ ,' he screams into the phone and can practically see Dean frowning at him. 'No,' he repeats softer, 'I do. Just... promise me it won't be in vain.'

He's asking for a lot, but he doesn't want to pour his heart and soul into pursuing Dean, just to end up alone anyway. Dean might want some revenge but Seth doesn't think he'd do this to him. At least he believes so.

'I can't,' Dean whispers a bit broken, like it hurts him to even admit it out loud. 'Can't or won't?' Seth asks back, imitating Dean's question in the hopes of receiving the same answer. 'Both.' Well, that isn't exactly what he needs to hear.

'But I'm still your boy, right? I mean, you tried to draw me out tonight after your match calling me your boy.' He's probably clutching at straws here, but it has to mean something that Dean has said that right after he'd won, expecting – wanting – Seth to come at him.

There's a thin laugh coming through the speakers, followed by a very fond, 'Yeah.' He has to smile at that and hugs the pillow closer to his chest. 'You're still on my shit list though.' Of course he is.

This whole conversation turns out to be a lot more laid back than Seth had imagined. Dean is, for some strange reason, not nearly as pissed off and reserved as Seth thought he'd be. Even after everything that has happened on Smackdown earlier.

'Is Roman with you?' It's just a hunch, but usually only Roman has the ability to calm Dean down like this. (Seth has always been very jealous of that because Rome doesn't even have to do anything. Just his presence is enough to ground Dean.)

'Nope,' his brother answers a bit lazily, 'but he's keeping an eye on me from our hotel room.' Probably waiting for a sign to interfere and save Dean from Seth. Nice tactic, but so far he hasn't given Dean anything to complain about.

Which reminds him that he maybe should start with it. 'So,' he draws out the word, unsure of how to continue. 'Would you mind some impromptu making-out in the future?' He got Dean's attention with some surprise kisses the first time. Maybe that will work again.

Seth just wants to make sure that Dean isn't totally against it, so that such actions wouldn't destroy more than they'd do any good. Dean keeps quiet for a while, mulling over the consequences of every possible answer, before settling for, 'Is that what you wanna do? From zero to sixty in no time?'

Well, no one ever said that all of his plans were genius ones.

'I've got nothing left to lose,' he argues half-heartedly. They're both very aware that Seth has everything to lose; he's completely alone and standing with his back against the wall. But Dean is kind enough to not go into this delusion of Seth's.

'Well then, go ahead, pretty boy,' Dean encourages him over the phone, the cocky smile evident in his voice. 'There is something I need to tell you first.' It's been hard for him to hide the truth from his brothers, but he feels like the time has come to finally break his silence.

Dean and Roman deserve to know why he's left them behind three weeks ago. 'Something you should know before we do anything else.' Dean sighs tiredly, stifling a yawn. 'Have you lied to us again?'

First of all: no. And second: why is he always talking about him _and_ Roman? It's nice that they've grown even tighter together and all that but this has nothing to do with their big brother. Well, what Seth will tell Dean now should be interesting for him too, but generally is this only a thing between him and Dean.

'No, Dean, I mean I should tell you the truth about my...' He stops himself, not quite sure how to address his departure. Dean takes the decision out of his hands when he asks, 'Treason?' Well, that's one way to put it even though it's kind of a bit over the top.

It's not like he sold their most private secrets to the world or anything like that.

'Yeah,' he mutters nonetheless, opening his mouth to start his story when Dean cuts him off. 'I thought it was because you hated being around me.' What? No, that's... oh, come on. That weren't his words.

'I never said that,' he grits out, realizing that it doesn't matter. Dean has already filed it away as that and there's nothing that can change it. 'Yes.'

Dean grunts a few times and Seth can hear him getting comfortable on the backseat of their rental car. 'Am I going into MitB all riled up because of your story?' He yawns once again and Seth feels a little bit guilty for keeping Dean up so late at night because he needs to confess.

'Probably. Definitely.' Dean laughs, this time strong and heartily. It echoes painfully loud in his head, reminding him once again of what he's lost. 'Then please, shoot,' Dean encourages him, tiredness creeping its way into his voice.

There's no going back now. The moment of truth has finally come and Seth hopes – prays even – that it'll help him get back his family. He needs them in his corner, even if they have to keep all of it a secret. But he'll probably die or go insane if he has to live through just one more day without Dean.

'Well... I guess it all started at the Royal Rumble.'


	2. stop and say you love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Roman inhales deeply. 'Seth?' 'Yeah?' he breathes out, rushed and overzealous, but he couldn't care less. 'If you ever wanna talk.'
> 
> It's a peace offering of some sorts and it means that his big brother is trying to mend things too. It's not only Seth's mission anymore, Roman is willing to give him a hand. Now he just needs to convince Dean of his innocence, his good intentions and his love. 
> 
> Okay, _that_ might take a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, MITB and Raw gave me so much to work with. I fear I might never be able to address all of it. Ever. But next up is the MITB fallout, with a little Raw added, because I really want to finally move on with the whole Dean/Seth thing. Thanks for your support (I never say that enough). I love you all!

Seth is lying on the king sized bed, remote in his hand, flipping through the channels aimlessly as he's listening to the sounds of running water. He's so bored right now, he can't even put it into words.

There's nothing on television to keep him company while Roman is showering and Dean is out doing, well, whatever Dean does when he's walking the streets alone.

Seth has always been curious what exactly Dean is up to during those two hours he's gone (actually, it's two hours, four minute and eleven seconds every time, like Dean has some inner clock that tells him exactly when to come back home – and yes, Seth has stopped the time for the past three months now. Talking about being pathetically in love and/or curious), but Dean never loses even a single word about it.

Today though, he has forgotten to look at the watch, because he'd been in the bathroom bleaching his hair when Dean took off. So he's dying of boredom now while Roman takes care of his battered back and flawless hair, waiting for Dean to barge in their room again, ready to give Seth some shit because the bleaching product's scent is still polluting the air.

He can't get rid of it, no matter how many windows he opens, and besides, he's the real victim here because he constantly smells it for almost a week every time he does this to his hair.

Seth doesn't hear any footsteps coming to their door but suddenly it flings open, scaring him to death, and Dean swaggers into the room, scrunching up his nose and rolling his eyes at him. 'There's a thing out there, Seth. It's called a hairdresser. They're getting paid to do your hair and endure that stinking shit. Why are you always doing this in our fucking room?'

See? Dean comes back to give him shit. He totally loves riling the other up.

'I'm not trusting anyone with my hair,' he counters, flipping it with both hands to piss his brother off even more. 'I swear, one night, I'm gonna shave it off and sell it on ebay,' Dean threatens him with a cocky grin while practically throwing his boots around the room and shimmying out of his jeans.

Seth has to summon up his entire self-control to not jump his brother from behind and prevent him from putting on some pjs. He somehow manages to stay in bed, sprawled over the whole place, and is even able to talk back at Dean.

'Pff, selling it. You'd shave it off to make a wig for yourself, baldy.'

Dean turns around, eyebrows drawn up as high as possible (his receding hairline is a touchy subject, especially because Rome and Seth tend to make fun of it – even though he has to admit that he loves Dean's messy blond hair more than he ever lets the other believe), a snarl leaving his lips.

Seth is ninety percent sure he's gonna get punched for that comment and Dean looks like he wants to do it for about three seconds, before he just shrugs and sighs exasperated – as if Seth is a stubborn, annoying child – and changes into some sweatpants and a tank top.

'Hey Pegasus, why don't you spread your wings, fly a bit around, shooting rainbows out of your ass and flop down a bit more to the right?' Seth scoffs and rolls himself to the left, just for good measure, smiling up at Dean who now has to round the bed.

Or would have to. Seth also should have known better than to underestimate Dean's laziness. His brother crawls over him, kicking him in the junk just because he can while doing so and sags down next to Seth as if he's just come back from a marathon.

He's checking him as inconspicuous as he can – no sweat, no elevated heartbeat. So Dean's not running in those two hours. God damn, he wants to know that secret so badly.

Maybe random hook-ups to blow off some steam? Would be Dean's style but Seth hopes – prays – he's wrong about that one. He doesn't want to share Dean. (Even though they're not a couple; not even close to being one, but Seth is pretty possessive over the one he chose to be his partner for life.)

Or he walks around town, probably eating pizza and burgers without Seth and Roman being there to scold him; maybe he's just enjoying some time alone. Seth would bet his money on the last option, because Dean is someone who needs a lot of off time to recharge his _don't be a lone wolf_ -batteries.

Roman has never asked either of them what Dean is doing when he's gone. Their big brother is just so laid back and calm about everything. It's frustrating and awesome at the same time.

'Nothing better on?' Dean asks after a while, snatching the remote out of Seth's hand – sending a pleasant jolt through his body when their skin touches – and changes the channels faster than he can follow with his eyes.

'Dude, you need to actually stop once in a while,' he says, fed up with only seeing a blur of colors on the screen and tries to take control over the remote again. It ends in a brawl, like it always does. Dean is holding on to that black device like it's some long lost treasure and Seth is fighting for it as if it'll grant him eternal youth.

That they don't fall off the bed or break it in the process is a small miracle. Seth puts up a good fight, trying to take Dean by surprise but his brother has already won this even before Seth had launched himself at him.

Simply because these days, Seth can't control his body as much as he wishes to.

So Seth does the only thing that can safe him from any kind of humiliation. Which is sliding off Dean and the bed in defeat and running into the bathroom, excusing himself that he has to take a leak before Dean kicks him in the jewels again and he'll wet him.

He hears a confused yet victorious _K_ _inky_ before he slams the door shut behind him, making Roman in the bathtub slip. It's like watching a car crash happening in slow motion.

Roman – behind the white, very transparent shower curtain – flails for a few seconds, desperately trying to regain his balance. His hands grip the curtain, ripping it off before he is finally able to steady himself on the tiles. His bright eyes search for the intruder, the plastic sheet barely covering Roman's best parts, and Seth smiles bashfully, silencing his big brother with a finger on his lips.

Roman's mouth is pressed together in a thin line, water hits his broad shoulders and lands all over the bathroom floor because of the missing curtain, but one of Seth's well-practiced puppy looks softens his brother up immediately.

He just sighs fondly, assessing the mess he's just created. 'Jesus, man, why is it that neither of you guys understand the concept of privacy? I never disturb your beauty sessions either,' Roman complains and reaches for the handle to turn off the water when Seth jumps forward and holds him back, shaking his head violently.

'What?' Yeah, what? Fuck if he knows. 'Dean can't hear this,' he whispers urgently, following Roman's demanding gaze with his own eyes. His hand is still on his brother's arm, lowering the cover unintentionally. He draws his fingers back as if he'd been burnt, apologizing over and over again, before he sags down on the toilet seat, defeated and helpless.

'What should I do?' Roman shoots him a puzzled look, already trying to repair the curtain to get back to showering in peace. 'About what?' Seth groans loudly, pointing to the wall behind him, hissing, 'Dean! He's lying there in the bed and–'

Roman laughs lightly, sneaking an amused peek at him. 'And you're hiding in the bathroom, peeping on me. Smart move, kiddo.' Ha ha. He's really desperate right now. This whole _Dean is turning me on_ thing has been going on for too long and it's getting kinda frustrating that Seth can't do anything about it.

He _knows_ for sure that Dean knows exactly what's going on in his head, but Dean would rather eat a whole box of rusty nails than make it easy for Seth. He's totally enjoying to see Seth sweat blood and tears to be close to him while also keeping his distance. He probably deserves that, but it's still driving him insane.

'I don't know what to do,' he whines, hiding his face in his hands. Dean is never saying anything against physical contact; has never hit him for stealing a kiss or two. But he also never reciprocated the way Seth wants him to. Roman is a big source of support for him, encouraging him to pursue Dean to his heart's desire, but he's never telling Seth if his constant trying isn't totally in vain.

'Since when?' Roman has finally managed to put the curtain back in its place and continues his cleaning binge, leaving Seth alone even though he's right there with him. 'You obviously know no boundaries, so get your ass outta here and have some quality time with your boyfriend.'

Seth gasps (secretly thinking that he likes the ring of it) and gets up again, trying to stand his ground. 'He's not my boyfriend.' Sadly, Dean isn't. Not that they need to label anything, but Seth would like to take things to the next level. Being left in the dark isn't really satisfying.

Roman moans annoyed, sticking his head out of the shower. 'Only a matter of time. Now go and use the next, say, twenty minutes as good as you can.' What? He's supposed to just go back to Dean, lie next to him without Roman as a safety zone between them, watch Dean rub absentmindedly over his abs...

Yeah, no, he's so not prepared for that.

'How?' he asks weakly, his whole body feeling like he's about to crash and burn. 'I don't know, hold hands, enjoy his company, make out, I don't care. As long as you keep the noise down. You have twenty minutes, lover boy.'

And with that Roman turns his back on him, snickering like some evil witch. With a heavy heart Seth breathes in deeply to open the door again.

His plan is to go back and lie down, just like Roman had suggested. It's a good start. Then he'll scoot as close as he can without it being weird, so that somewhere along the line he can grab Dean's hand and entwine their fingers. He's wanted to do that for a long time now but always stopped right before it happened.

When Dean doesn't protest, he'll try and lay his head on the other's chest, so he can listen to the rhythm of his heart. Seth has always been curious if it beats out of control when he's around Dean; just like his does too.

What's natural with Roman (the three of them snuggle almost every night) seems to be weird and intrusive if it's just Seth trying to convince Dean to do it. What if Dean isn't into him as much as Seth believes? What if he's more interested in Roman? The two of them do have a special bond that Seth doesn't quite understand.

He's never seen Dean interact with their Samoan brother any differently than he does with him, which makes him wonder if these thoughts aren't just fueled by jealousy. Seth doesn't like to share Dean with anyone, but what if he has to do it because Roman is an important variable in the equation too?

He loves Roman with all his heart but that's going a bit too far. Dean shall be his and his alone. Is that too obsessive? Well, as long as he's still fighting for Dean to even be his partner, he supposes that it's okay. All is fair in love and war, right?

Maybe, if he's really lucky tonight, Dean will let Seth kiss him and this time he'll answer it fiercely. A dream would come true. He doesn't want to keep on making out with Dean and only be able to think of a sex doll – because neither of them react in any way.

Yeah, that's the game plan. Easy as pie, right?

He pushes the door open and wipes little beads of sweat off his forehead, ready to announce his return with something witty and slightly sexual when his eyes fall on Dean.

The covers are drawn up, the television the only light in the room. He's asleep. Dean is fucking _asleep_. He has waisted a golden opportunity to get closer to Dean, hiding in the bathroom like some hormone-filled teenager who's about to get rid of his v-card.

If Roman sees this, he'll never hear the end of it. So Seth just crawls back into the bed as quietly and carefully as he can – leaving the tv on, so Roman won't trip when he's done showering – deciding kind of spontaneously to spoon Dean.

Tonight he'll be in the middle, back turned to Roman, so that Dean belongs only to himself. Even if he wasted a good chance, he still has a whole lifetime to make up for it. No one will ever take his brother away from him and he'll never let both of them disappear out of his life again.

They're all he has and he couldn't be any happier – even if Dean won't ever be his.

* * *

He blinks a few times, trying to remember where he is and why there is so much freaking light in the room. Then it hits him. Hotel room, sunlight. It's already a new day. Ugh.

He yawns tiredly and throws back the covers, looking around confused in the hopes to find Dean when he remembers. He's alone. Has been for the past three weeks. No Roman, no Dean, no one. Just Seth and the darkness following him everywhere he goes. It's all just been a dream of a long lost memory.

But there is something lying under his cheek, poking him uncomfortably. It's his phone. Why is it– Oh my God. He didn't fall asleep while explaining to Dean why he left them? Please, oh God, someone please tell him he didn't do that.

No, no, no. Dean will kill him. Never talk to him again. Hire an assassin because he doesn't want to stain his own hands with Seth's blood. He's a fucking moron.

How the hell could he fall asleep while telling a fucking story? Seriously, how did he manage to do that?

He taps on his phone desperately, intent on calling Dean once again, when he sees that the call never ended. He's been connected to Dean for the past six hours. Holy shit. Thank every higher power in the world that he has a flat-rate.

'Dean?' he asks hesitantly, because there is no sound on the other end. There is also no answer. For a few minutes he sits in his bed, phone in hand, thinking about what to do now. He could just hang up, Dean would never know.

Seth presses his cell against his ear until he can make out the faint breathing of Dean. And that's when it hits him a second time. He wasn't the one dropping off. Well, obviously he did, but Dean did first. He remembers now that he got so angry for a second that he wanted to rebuild The Shield just to destroy it again.

It felt as if the reason for Seth's behavior didn't even interest him anymore.

But then the fury ebbed away with each deep breath of Dean, leaving him lying in his bed and yearning for the other to be there with him. It was kind of his fault, because he made the story unnecessarily long and full of dramatic pauses.

If he'd been the one listening to it, he would've drifted off too. Dean hadn't even held on long enough to get to the important part. Seems like he has to trap Dean somewhere, so he can finally tell him the whole truth. Maybe even with Roman being there too.

He's done with hiding his feelings. At least in front of his little family.

'Dean?' he whispers again, knowing already that he won't get an answer. Neither will he get any kind of absolution in the near future. Maybe their match at Money in the Bank can help him somehow. He has no clue how yet, but he'll figure it out. He always does.

Seth is a moment away from ending the call, when the car door is being opened and some rustling can be heard. 'Morning,' Roman greets him friendly, almost gently and Seth smiles relieved, answering, 'Hi.'

'You had a good talk?' Roman wants to know and Seth laughs sadly. 'He dozed off in the middle of it.' Roman chuckles before the car door gets closed again and he cracks up gleefully, needing a moment to catch his breath again.

'Yeah, that's Dean. Don't be mad at him, he's had a rough couple of nights.' Don't they all? But he gets it, he really does. He doesn't know why he's expected this to go smoothly because everything with Dean is complicated, a challenge.

'See you tonight?' Roman begins to say goodbye and Seth starts to sweat nervously, not ready to let go of his brother yet to get up and put on his person suit for the Authority again.

'Rome?' he shoots back, too hurriedly and desperately but Roman just stays silent. 'Good luck for tomorrow. We're finally losing out ladder match virginity.' What the fuck? Sometimes his mouth shouldn't be allowed to give birth to words.

There's not a peep answering him; Seth can totally imagine the frown on Roman's face, maybe even some pouty lips because he has a way with them. It's awkward and unpleasant and making him so damn sad – when have things with his brothers ever been this horrible?

And the worst part of it? It's all Seth's fault.

'Well, see you in Portland later?' Roman's still staying quiet and it's unnerving. As much as he likes this about him – he bathes in that calmness whenever he can – now is totally the wrong time for it.

Finally, Roman inhales deeply. 'Seth?' 'Yeah?' he breathes out, rushed and overzealous, but he couldn't care less. Roman obviously struggles a bit on the other end of the line (Seth can hear footsteps, as if he's pacing in the parking lot), before he offers, 'If you ever wanna talk.'

He doesn't finish the sentence, but Seth couldn't be happier anyway. It's a peace offering of some sorts and it means that his big brother is trying to mend things too. It's not only Seth's mission anymore, Roman is willing to give him a hand.

Now he just needs to convince Dean of his innocence, his good intentions and his love.

Okay, _that_ might take a while.

'That, yeah, that'd be great,' he thanks Roman, relief the only emotion he doesn't want to keep out of his voice. Roman snickers before getting serious again. 'Keep an eye on Dean during MitB, will ya?'

There's nothing in the world that could stop him from doing that.

'Promise.'


	3. i'm seconds away from breaking apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You need to get your face under control, Seth. Your mask slipped tonight and the whole world could see it. Don't. That was stupid and dangerous.' He doesn't need to tell Seth that. He knows he got lucky there. But when they led Dean away from him, he'd just panicked internally.
> 
> He was torn between running after him, making sure he's okay and hesitating to climb the ladder without Dean being there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, but I won't be tackling RAW and SD in depth, because MitB gave me so much work and the story went kinda crazy after this. Dean just demanded to get some time with Seth and who am I to say no to them? =D

The past hour has probably been the longest one in his entire life. Directly after his win at the ladder match he got cornered by Triple H and Stephanie, so they could celebrate their little golden poster boy. He didn't even get the chance to ask about Dean and his bad shoulder.

And he couldn't let anything slip in front of them either, having fucked up in the ring earlier already when Dean got escorted backstage.

They forced him to make some pictures with the briefcase, congratulated him for winning and being their new WWE Word Heavyweight Champion sometime during the next 365 days, when all he could think about was Dean and how Triple H fucked him over, ignoring his explicit wish to not execute plan B.

Kane's interference was not what Seth had wanted. He knew what he was doing when he asked Hunter to put Dean in the match. It was not only the move Roman had expected from him in his text message, he'd also meant it when he said, 'I got it.'

But Hunter and his stupid plan Bs. Kane as back-up was supposed to be only Randy's thing. Seth had done his best to manipulate Triple H into thinking that Orton might not be able to do the job again, that he needed someone to aid him – someone other than Seth because he'd be more than happy to rest after his own match.

It had worked but obviously the Authority doesn't trust him enough to believe he could make it on his own. He really needs to work on that in the future. But that little power-fueled family is cracking agonizingly slow and that's exactly what he intended to do.

His plan is working and him winning the match, thanks to Kane's unwanted interference, will help him alienate Randy even more. It's a long shot but Seth is sure he can pull it off. Especially, since Roman is slowly coming to his aid in his own way.

And Dean... Well, Dean is a whole different problem. But somehow he will make him trust Seth again. All of his schemes have worked out so far, he won't let this be the one that fails. Even if it's the last thing on earth he'll do.

Roman's match should be almost over and Seth is finally alone, roaming around backstage to find Dean. All he wants is one quick look to make sure he's okay, but he can't find his brother anywhere. And honestly, he doesn't like the way everyone turns away when he walks by.

Seems like they guys backstage like him even less than during his Shield times. He'd never thought it'd be possible, but here they are.

He's had that damn briefcase for about sixty minutes and he's already sick of it.

Dean is obviously not here anymore, or he's just very good at hiding. Seth has checked every place he could have been if they'd still be The Shield, but it might be possible that his brothers really hang out in the locker room now and Seth isn't ready to tackle that obstacle yet.

So he sneaks out of the arena, still wearing Dean's hoodie at any possible chance, and tries to find the rental car of his brothers. Which is like searching for a needle in a haystack. A needle he has no idea of how it looks like, so he checks every car for Dean, but it's like he's vanished into thin air.

Maybe he's still with the medical staff. Seth hadn't thought about that. God damn.

Either way, it's getting late and the whole locker room will soon be here, seeing him snoop around. He so doesn't need that. Seems like he'll have to call Roman and Dean as soon as he's back in the hotel.

He's able to ignore his aching back until he's lying in his bed, briefcase hidden under his duffel, so he won't be reminded of getting robbed of his own victory all the time. He barely manages to roll onto his stomach, wincing and hissing at the pain shooting through his body.

Seth has taken a lot of damage tonight and somehow he survived his first ladder match without any major injuries. Unlike Dean. He's worried that it was the superplex off the ladder that hurt his brother. He's seen the scene, Hunter showing it to him with devilish glee that made Seth feel sick and angry to the point he wanted to bash the other's head in.

Dean had taken all the damage, hitting the canvas only with his shoulder blades. Seth had been out cold for a few seconds too, landing directly on his spine, but remembering the impact, he's sure Dean fought the rest of the match against Seth and constant pain.

Seth is actually really thankful that Wade got injured and wasn't able to compete in the match. He has a lot of respect for the guy, knows he's as dangerous and good and hungry as any of them; but it would've been a totally different match with the Brit in it. And Seth has already gotten his fare share of everyone's wrath tonight.

Though Dean gave him the most shit. Which was his job and according to the plan. Yet Seth knows that probably all of it was just Dean letting out his feelings without thinking about any strategy. Seth is okay with that too. He deserves all the heat in the world and an unleashed Dean is a lot of fun to work with.

Even though there's still a huge pile of ill-will between them, Seth knows that he can blindly trust Dean in the ring. His brother would never hurt him intentionally, not even back when he didn't know about this ploy.

He probably has to thank Roman for that and the fact that he's (hopefully) still their baby brother.

He's lying there for about half an hour without moving an inch, very close to falling asleep all sweaty and exhausted, when he remembers what he'd wanted to do in the first place. Check on Dean.

He dials Roman's number after not getting Dean on the phone – the voicemail answered immediately –, face buried in the pillow. He thinks about changing into something comfortable and non-leathery but he's too lazy and tired to even get up. One night in those tight pants won't kill him, right?

'Dude, I was just about to go to sleep,' Roman complains, not even bothering to greet him. His brother is probably totally sore too. Seth doesn't really know, he hasn't seen the whole match, so he could search for Dean. 'How is he? Is he okay?' he shoots back in the same manner, switching off the lights to be left alone in the darkness.

Roman groans loudly and Seth can hear the sheets rustle. 'Dislocated his shoulder.' Fuck. 'During that ladder assisted superplex? Is he going to be okay?' Seth knew immediately that that fall had just been plain wrong. 'I think it was the DDT against Swagger. That guy has a way with shoulder injuries,' Roman yawns into the phone, gladly nice enough to answer the other question too.

'And it's Dean. You know how he is. Pain is no stranger to him.' Roman sounds a bit miffed, but Seth chooses to ignore that for now. It has either to do with Roman not winning the match or Seth calling him in the middle of the night, the first words only about Dean.

He's getting to the part where they'll talk about Roman later. First things first though.

'So it's back in now?' There's a light chuckle on the other end that makes Seth's whole body relax immediately. 'Sure is. He came running backstage, yelling my name, grabbing me by the vest and screaming _Pop it back in_ because the medics were reluctant to do it.'

Yeah, sounds like Dean. He's heard him demand that in the ring too, just before he got ushered to the back. 'Did you?' 'Yup. He wanted to be in that match at all costs.' And he'd almost won it too. Seth had watched him climb up that ladder, too numb and beaten up to move just an inch but then Kane's music hit and Seth knew that Dean would never get a fair chance to grab that case.

He'd wanted Dean to win it, had rooted for him. But in the end, it had to be him. And right now, Seth is just glad that the case is in the hands of a Shield member. Former Shield member. One of them had to do it, or else Seth couldn't continue with this phase of the plan: get rid of The Viper.

'So, plan B, huh?' Roman asks after a while, and the dark tone of his voice tells Seth that he's a bit (a lot) disappointed by him for using Kane to cost Dean the match. 'Wasn't my idea. I told him I can win this on my own, but Hunter thought I'd need some help.'

'I bet he did,' Roman answers, yawning again. Seth feels a bit better, now that he knows Dean isn't injured more than he already was – that shoulder is one pain in the ass for years now –, but he still wants to keep this conversation going.

It's almost as if they're in the same room again, talking to each other like they used to. He hasn't truly felt safe and at home for a long while now and it's slowly but surely breaking him apart.

'Lemme guess, you'll rub it in that Orton has lost and you've done the job, even though uncle Kane was there to change his diapers,' Roman guesses absolutely right, delight evident in his words. They might have different agendas at the moment but in the end all three of them are going after the guys that broke apart their little family.

(It's better not to think about him being part of the targets too, making all of this possible in the first place.)

'You need to get your face under control, Seth. Your mask slipped tonight and the whole world could see it. Don't. That was stupid and dangerous.' He doesn't need to tell Seth that. He knows he got lucky there. But when they led Dean away from him, he'd just panicked internally.

He was torn between running after him, making sure he's okay and hesitating to climb the ladder without Dean being there.

''I know. Guess it's good that Hunter isn't the best in reading people. He thought that was me realizing Dean is finally out of the picture and I can win this thing.' The worry in his face had been evident – he's even a bit ashamed that his feelings got the better of him – but thankfully it all turned out good.

He just has to be more careful in the future. Another slip might break his neck.

'Are you alright?' Seth blinks confused, breaking out in a happy grin when he realizes that Roman wants to talk to him some more. They're making progress and what he's feeling now is so much better than what went through his head when he grabbed that golden briefcase and held it up in victory.

'Yeah,' he answers evasively, not being used to get any concern from his family anymore. It's been four weeks and it's like they're almost complete strangers. 'A bit bruised, I guess. And there's a headache coming.' Actually, he already has one ever since Kofi threw him on that ladder and he landed with his head on a rung.

Roman hums kind of mirthfully, making Seth smile again. That's the brother he misses so much. 'Awesome match though,' he compliments him and Seth feels guilty for not fully watching Roman's. But it's not a lie when he says, 'Your have been amazing too. Sorry you lost.'

He can hear muffled laughter and waits patiently until Roman has sipped some water. 'It's okay. My time will come. You must be pretty excited though.' 'About what?' he asks automatically, not being able to think properly anymore. Why would he be chipper about Roman losing?

'Having the guarantee to become WWE champion in the next year?' 'Oh that,' he laughs a bit awkwardly, 'yeah, sure.' He couldn't care less about that at the moment. A title means nothing if there's no one he can celebrate with. (No one he actually likes, at least.)

This is not how he wanted to win his first big one.

Roman sighs, probably pinching the bridge of his nose. 'What's wrong?' Seth huffs, not really knowing why he can't even be happy that he had a great match and did some pretty cool stuff out there, showing everyone that they shouldn't mess with Seth Rollins while keeping Dean close like he's promised Roman.

'I don't know,' he admits in a hushed whisper. 'It just doesn't feel right.' All of it, if he's being honest. This whole night, this god damn stupid plan, him being lonely after a day like this, Dean nowhere to be found. He wants to turn back time so badly, he'd sell his soul (again) for a chance to do it.

'You winning by cheating – which is something you have to do as part of the Authority, so don't sweat it – or you not being able to get a hold of Dean after everything that's been happening tonight?' Roman still can read him like an open book. At least that worry is unfounded.

'Both? I wish I could be there with you. Like in the old times.' There. He's said it. Now he needs to hear Roman repeat it; telling him that his brothers suffer every day he's not with them too. What comes next are not the exact words, but it's close enough. 'Me too.'

'And Dean?' He has to ask, has to get some sort of confirmation that Dean has mentioned anything about Seth. If he won't get at least a tiny information about the status of their current relationship, he'll go nuts and give up everything very soon.

It should concern him that in his head it's all about Dean and only Dean, but he's at a point in his life where he has accomplished a lot, more than he ever thought he would, and there's just one thing missing: his family. Both of them. Roman as his big brother, his _uce_ , and Dean as his partner in crime. (And in bed.)

'Dunno. He's out, walking it off, blowing off some steam. I don't even want to know what he's up to,' Roman admits and Seth raises a fist in victory, remembering his dream from the day before yesterday. The tiny movement jolts his body, making him writhe in pain. He's been in the wrestling business for what, eleven years now, and he still doesn't know when to just lay low.

Some people never learn.

'I already scolded him too.' What? What for? 'Dean was awesome tonight,' Seth interjects, ready to fight Roman about this until his brother will give up. (Seth has never lost an argument and he definitely won't back down from one about Dean.)

Roman chuckles fondly, calming him down by saying, 'Not during the match. His promo.' Huh?

_Oh._

He probably means the _grab you by the tie and suit and rip you apart_ thing. Seth had actually blushed a bit when he heard that, totally mesmerized by Dean's gray leather jacket and his whole body language. Which might be why Roman is a bit mad at both of them for not being able to keep their mutual attraction out of their promos and matches.

'I liked it,' he mumbles, smiling when he remembers Dean threatening him to bash his face in with a ladder. Thank God that Dean didn't have a chance to do that. He's really fond of it the way it is.

'I'm sure you did,' Roman laughs, half-delighted, half-enervated. 'But it's dangerous mixing reality and our act.' There are two things going on in Seth's head right now. Firstly, he's super excited that Roman said _our act_ instead of _his_. And secondly, Seth starts to scowl because doing exactly that is one of Dean's specialties.

He's never heard even a single promo of his brother that doesn't have some autobiographical stuff in it. That's why Seth loves each and every one so much, because they tell him more about his friend than Dean ever willingly would.

'He knows what he's doing,' he mutters confidently, and listens to Roman exhale deeply. 'I hope so.' He doesn't sound like it. Roman actually sounds kind of scared and unsure if this whole thing isn't going to blow up in their faces. He's probably worried that something will happen to Dean's mental state.

But he's not alone with that. Seth isn't so sure about that one anymore either. Dean has changed since his departure and sometimes Seth thinks that the lines between in ring-Dean and private-Dean are vanishing faster than Roman or he can keep up with. It's another thing that's been bugging Seth, making him realize that he can't deal with every little problem himself.

And very, very lonely.

'Can I come over?' It's the first time he's felt like it's the perfect moment to ask for this one favor. Roman sighs and it's enough to crash his hope. 'Seth,' his brother says in a broken voice, begging him to never ask for it again. Not until they offer it to him.

'Yeah, sorry,' he answers, trying his best to not give into the overwhelming urge to start crying. He's hurting, lonely and he wants to be with his family. This whole situation is taking a toll on him and there is no one there to help him glue the pieces of his shattered life together again.

At least Dean and Roman have each other.

'Not yet, okay?' Roman tries to soothe him and if he'd be here with him right now, he'd pat Seth on the head and hug him close to his broad chest. 'Yep,' he tries to be brave but he's very close to failing horribly. 'I promise, Seth,' Roman adds, sensing that he's having some trouble to keep his calm.

He clears his throat, suddenly so tired that he could sleep for the rest of his life – the exhaustion a result of his desperation – and speaks up, hoping that his voice won't betray him. 'It's gotten pretty late. We should go to bed.'

He hears Roman heave a sigh, totally seeing through his blatant lie, but in the end he gives in; grants Seth some much needed time off. 'Goodnight, Seth.' 'Night, Rome,' he whispers back and ends the call without waiting for a possible answer.

His eyes are burning, begging him to let his sadness run wild, but he doesn't want to fall asleep crying like some baby. He should try to hold it together. Which means he can start with actually getting up, peeling this tight ring attire off him and get to bed wearing one of Dean's old shirts.

(He has 'borrowed' a lot of the others clothes during the eighteen months with The Shield and 'forgot' to give any of it back when he left.)

He's halfway done with trying to take off the pants when his phone rings. For some reason, he still has the presence of mind to not jump on the bed with his gear around his ankles and answer the call with a frantic _Dean?_ , because it's Triple H on the other end of the line. And boy, would that have been awkward and hard to explain, right?

'Everything okay?' he asks hesitantly, looking at the clock on his nightstand. It's almost four am and they've talked about everything directly after Money in the Bank already. 'Of course. Listen, I had a conversation with Steph about the whole Cena situation.'

Oh. So John had once again won the titles. To be honest, Seth couldn't care less. He has nothing against John but he doesn't like him either. And he can't help it, but every time he looks at that man he has to think of the song Roman's cousin Dwayne had composed for Cena.

Even with tears in his eyes, a hated person on the phone and an aching loneliness tearing his insides apart, he still has to smile when he goes through the lyrics in his head. He's so immersed in it that he almost doesn't listen to Hunter talking to him.

'We don't want him as our champion, so we'll use that briefcase of yours tomorrow night on Raw.' Well, how about no? He just won this thing. He wants to keep it for a while, even though it's not handy at all. And kinda ugly. At least it's not pink.

'Just like that?' he inquires, voice tight and ruthless. (It's an act that drains him of all his energy and he'll have to get this over with quickly, because there already is none of it left in him.) He might not be the smartest guy in the universe but even he knows that cashing the contract in on a show without any preparation is the dumbest thing he can think of.

'Of course not. He's going to be in a match with your former business partner tomorrow and–' Seth doesn't even hear the rest of it. His heartbeat rises at the mention of his brothers and the blood rushing in his ears is all he can concentrate on. _Please let it be Roman and not Dean_ , he begs, his whole body screaming in agony.

Dean is his to deal with. He doesn't want anyone else to lay even a single finger on him. Especially not when he's injured.

Triple H is still speaking when Seth calms down enough to follow the conversation again. '–a Fatal 4-Way at Battleground.' Uh, what? Fuck. 'Sorry, long day. Could you repeat that?' He holds his breath until Triple H snickers and starts his little speech again after calling him his precious little boy. _Ugh_.

'Cena and Roman will fight against Kane and Randy tomorrow in a tag team match. I already ordered Randy to focus on Reigns – and he wasn't very happy about it – while Kane takes out Cena. When I give you the sign, you'll come out and cash in. Should something go wrong and Cena somehow retains the title, Randy will get a chance for it in a Fatal 4-Way at Battleground.'

'What about Dean?' is his first question and he bites his lip to stop himself from saying one more word. He's so close to blow his cover. Neither Roman nor Dean would ever forgive him.

When Hunter laughs it sounds like sandpaper rubbing over skin and it makes him squirm uncomfortably. 'Don't worry your little head about Ambrose.' His first instinct is to defend Dean, tell Triple H that he should never underestimate his brother, but he somehow manages to stay silent.

'Just cash in the case tomorrow, pin Cena and become the champion Steph and I can be proud of.' No word about Orton. Wow, this has worked faster and better than he'd expected. Yet, he doesn't want to become the WWE champion like this. He needs to talk to Dean as soon as possible. His brother has to intervene in the very last moment to prevent a title reign from Seth.

And God, if someone had told him a year ago that he'd ever think that, he'd beaten the living crap out of them.

'Sure thing, I got it,' he says arrogantly. The truth is, he's so not ready to be champion. Everything has been happening so fast in the past month and he enjoys his time alone in the ring to prove what he can do, but at the same time he doesn't want to go from Tag Team Champion to WWE World Heavyweight Champion without working hard for it.

The whole deal; not just because he's daddy's newest child prodigy and won one ladder match.

It may sound stupid but he wants to be prepared for this journey. Wants to cash this damn contract in whenever _he_ thinks it's the right time. This is his life, his career and Triple H better stays out of his fucking business.

'Gonna cash it in when you give me the sign,' he repeats, just to convince himself and his patron of his cooperation. 'But first you need to let me get some sleep.' 'Don't be late tomorrow.' And with that he hangs up, finally being able to breathe again.

This night just keeps getting worse and worse, even though it has started out so good.

His mind is still reeling because he's supposed to snatch the titles off Cena after just one night of his reign and Roman getting a chance to win those belts if Seth keeps fucking up until Battleground, which makes him think of Dean (of course, it's always about Dean) and how his brother is the only one who can make sure that Roman gets that match.

So Dean it is.

After ripping off his black pants and putting on some boxer shorts and Dean's red shirt, he's ready to fall into bed and make one last phone call before he finally, _finally_ will get at least some three or fours hours of sleep.

But then he sees something out of the corner of his eye. There's a tiny folded piece of paper sticking out from under the door. He opens it curiously but the hall is completely deserted.

He picks the sheet up and unfolds it, overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions when he recognizes the handwriting. It's a bit messy and coltish, and there are just six words scribbled on it but those two sentences let him forget the horrible part of this night in no time.

_Great match. I'm proud of us._

_Us._

If he's about to cry some tears of joy, it's no one's business because that – all of it – just made his fucking day. Week. Hell, his life.

He runs to his window and pulls back the purple curtains, not really convinced he'll still find Dean out there but then his heart skips a beat when he sees his brother's receding form in the parking lot.

He doesn't even give himself some time to think about this, just grabs his old-school hotel key and dashes after Dean barefoot.


	4. getting tired of feeling so lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear this, but there might have happened a handjob after MITB._
> 
> It doesn't take long for Roman to answer and Seth can hear the critical sigh even from a hundred miles away.
> 
> _you two... was he overly ecstatic_
> 
> Well, he didn't do a backflip out of pure joy when he came, but Dean had seemed really relaxed and happy-go-lucky afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, there will only be one more part with Seth (which I might have to split, I'm not sure yet - first I need to finish writing it XD) and then it'll be Dean or Roman again. Whoever inspires me the most next week on RAW or SD. I just wanted to do a part with Seth and the Authority. Also, this is a stupidly long chapter but I didn't want to divide it. (I couldn't find a good enough spot to do so.) Have fun anyway! Love you all!

'Dean,' he hisses as loud as he can, trying to get his brother's attention. Just seeing him walking down the street lets his heart beat violently in his chest; the organ trying with all its might to break free and run away.

It's stupid and wishful thinking, but the moment he thinks that Dean might not have heard Seth calling out to him but instead maybe the crazy rhythm taking place inside his ribcage, Dean turns around.

There's surprise written all over his face; he obviously hadn't thought Seth would catch up to him or even realize he'd been here before the morning.

'What are you doing here?' he asks in a hushed whisper, dragging Dean by the sleeve back to the hotel while looking around, scanning the area; if Dean has found him here, any member of the Authority could too. And if they see the two of them together, all hell's gonna break loose.

He never should have run after him, but seeing Dean in the parking lot, he just couldn't stay in his room, doing nothing but watching his brother walk away and out of his life again.

Grab the bull by the horns and all that.

'I think it's pretty clear what I was doing here,' Dean answers slowly, raising an eyebrow at him as if Seth is about to go insane right before his eyes. 'You okay?'

Seth breathes in deeply as soon as Dean is safely in his hotel room, still judging him with a confused look. Oh God. Dean is in his room, willingly (more or less). How the heck did he think that _that_ 's an awesome idea? What should he do? Why did he even leave this safe haven to chase after him?

He really should start to think things concerning Dean through.

'How did you find me?' he evades the question, not really sure if he's fine or not. Having Dean here is the best part of the night so far, but it's also nerve-wrecking and stressing him out more than he needs to at four am in the morning.

Dean clears his throat and sags down on the small couch in front of the television, averting his gaze. 'I may or may not have followed you.' Holy shit. Seriously?

That's flattering and– wait. If Dean is able to easily stalk him without Seth noticing it, then anyone else can too. They're probably already here. His whole cover is about to crumble. He's going to die. Oh, he's so dead. He should leave, change his name, flee the country.

'Did anyone follow you? Did you see someone? Maybe Randy. I think he's starting to see through my plan to make him look stupid and incompetent,' he rambles, pacing the small room while already thinking about gathering all the money he has, before it hits him that he can't leave his brothers behind. Not right now. Not ever.

'Okay, calm down. Breathe with me, weirdo,' Dean chuckles lightly, standing up to place his hands on Seth's shoulders. 'You're safe. No one saw me. I was the only one following your every step,' his brother soothes him, a jovial smirk on his lips.

Seth mimics Dean drawing in breath through his nose until he's calmed down again. His heart is still beating rapidly but either Dean doesn't seem to get wind of it or he simply ignores it altogether. As soon as Seth nods, indicating he's as fine as he can be, Dean lets go to sit back down again, still watching his every move as if he expects Seth to handcuff him to the washbasin.

(Sadly, he doesn't have any cuffs.)

His fingers are shaking. Actually, his whole body feels like someone set it on fire, making it hard for him to even stand on his feet. Watching Dean sitting before him, smiling lightly and a bit lost in thoughts, he gets suddenly very aware of his clothes.

Dean is looking perfect as usual, leather jacket, blue jeans with holes at the knees, black tank top and a lot of bandages peeking out around his chest and left shoulder. And all Seth is wearing are suddenly too tight boxers and Dean's worn-out red shirt. And his glasses. Not that they would really help.

'So,' his brother says after a while, drawing the word as long as he can to play for time. 'How much of my stuff did you steal?' he asks while pointing at Seth's chest. He opens his mouth, a series of horrible sounds escaping it until he shuts it again, wincing at his own stupidity. Dean just breaks out in a laugh, obviously having fun tormenting Seth.

'I thought for the longest time I somehow lost all of it. You made me think I was the dumbest fucking person on earth.' It's not an accusation. Dean seems to be having way too much fun for it to be meant like one, so Seth relaxes a bit, is even able to smile hesitantly.

He doesn't dare sit next to Dean, doesn't trust himself enough to be able to control his desire to touch Dean, so he retreats back to the bed. 'I'm proud of us too,' he finally says, holding up the piece of paper Dean sneaked in earlier.

Dean nods and puts his feet on the wooden table, making himself at home for the time being. 'Working with you has always been easy,' he shares, making Seth wonder what kind of pain killer Dean had gotten earlier to be so forthcoming and nice right now. Whatever it was, Seth wants him to always take it.

'Speaking of that,' he starts, finally able to calm down enough to kick-start his brain again, because this – talking about wrestling – is so much easier than thinking about the sexual tension between them and how much he wants to skip the whole _pining over Dean_ part to finally reach the _we're together, so let's have some fun_ bit.

Dean looks up at him expectantly, the blue eyes totally focused and not at all glazed over by any kind of medication. Wait, he's lucid? This _is_ really happening, right? Because it feels like a dream; a gruesome joke of his imagination.

'Is this real?' Dean blinks several times, before he gets up and punches Seth brotherly on the arm. A sweet kind of pain rushes through his body. No, definitely reality. 'Work?' his friend reminds him again, this time sitting down on the bed next to him. 'Are you drunk?'

Dean whips his head around, staring at him irritated and bitter. 'What? _No_. For fuck's sake, Seth, just accept the rare gift you're given here.' 'Okay, good, fine,' he mumbles and gets on his knees, so he can put a tiny bit of space between him and Dean – who is smiling at him again as if nothing ever happened.

'Hunter just called me and complained about Cena being the new champ, telling me I have to cash in tomorrow, well today on Raw after a tag team match of John with Rome against Randy and Kane.' Dean nods, hanging on his lips as if he's preaching God's words or the tv program for Dean's day off.

It's making him a bit nervous and lets the urge to pounce Dean rise infinitely. Now that he thinks about it... he really likes his friend's mouth a lot. Whether he's talking trash or smirking down at him, it totally doesn't matter. Whatever comes out of it is always pure gold.

'Okay, Big Mac, hang on a second,' Dean demands and Seth rubs over his knees restlessly. He doesn't like it if he has to have a conversation he hasn't planned out even a tiny bit. Being unprepared is one of the worst feelings he knows because it leads to mistakes and fuck ups and Seth is a hopeless perfectionist.

But nothing is easy with Dean, nothing can be predicted and Seth should finally start to accept that he can't control anything in this relationship. No matter how much he wants to.

'Can you give me a match with Randy on Smackdown?' Dean looks at him, his eyes shining with confidence in Seth's abilities to twist the Authority around his little finger whenever he wants. It breaks his heart to see his brother so hopeful because there's always a fat chance he might disappoint him again.

'With your shoulder?' he tries to change the topic but Dean just shrugs out of his jacket and waves him off. 'Can you?' He doesn't ask why Dean wants this match so badly. Seth knows the reason for it – Roman – which doesn't make him feel any better.

It's their big brother's job to go after Orton and Hunter; he can take on everyone and he's the biggest thorn in Steph's flesh because the WWE universe loves him so much more than her own poster boys. And it's Dean's job to concentrate only on Seth.

This is what they've been doing since Dean joined FCW. They've been dancing around and clashing with each other for almost exactly three years now, and Seth doesn't want this huge part of his life to change one bit. There's no one out there who can challenge him like his brother does, no one who brings out the best and worst in him at the same time. Seth is so not ready to let go of this.

Dean must have read his mind, because he chuckles and scratches a spot beneath the bandage. 'Don't worry, puppet boy, I'm not gonna lose sight of _the prize_ ever again.' Seth huffs out a surprised laugh and sits back on his butt, drawing up his legs, so he can rest his chin on the knees while hugging them tightly. 'You still remember that?'

Dean wiggles his eyebrows. 'As if I could ever forget the day _you_ told _me_ to grow a pair. On Thursday, it's gonna be exactly two years and one month.' Wow. Talking about the memory of an elephant, huh? 'Well, you did heed my advice.'

Dean throws a pillow at his face and Seth doesn't even try to dodge it. Especially since his friend used his injured shoulder to do it. Instead, he takes the cushion and stuffs it between his legs and stomach. 'So, can you?' Dean won't give up until Seth promises to grant him this wish.

He's like a dog with its favorite chew toy in mouth, unwilling to let go of it, even though Seth told it he'd throw that damn thing, so it could chase after the toy to its little heart's desire.

'Yeah, sure,' he answers, already trying to come up with a believable reason to whisper this stupid idea into Hunter's ear. 'But tell Rome he should be ready to intervene, just in case,' he adds thoughtfully, knowing right now that Triple H will either send in Seth or Kane in to mess with Dean.

His brother tilts his head and makes himself even more at home by slipping out of his boots. Seth watches them fall down to the ground, each loud _thump_ ringing like an alarm bell in his head.

'In case daddy sends you in to help your inapt, impotent new step-brother?' Seth nods while trying desperately to ignore how much those words sting. Dean always makes it sound like Seth has found a new family and that would mean that he has lost his old one. The one he loves so dearly. The one he fights for every day.

He has to swallow hard because there's a huge lump in his throat and it's getting bigger and bigger with each try, suffocating him, shooting burning tears into his eyes.

_Don't show any weakness_ , he scolds himself, but it's no use. Dean slapping him in the face with those words is the only thing that matters at the moment, and it hurts him more than he ever thought. He has dreamed about this so many times, has tried to steel himself for it, but the reality is so much more worse than anything his brain could ever come up with.

'Hey, ninja boy, don't freak out, it's okay. Don't forget to breathe. I'm here,' Dean whispers, barely loud enough for him to hear and crawls towards him, once again trying to calm him down. He's an emotional wreck tonight and it's embarrassing that Dean has to witness all of this.

He should have just let his brother go back to Roman and sleep a night over everything. But no, he had to be stupid and run after him.

'Sorry,' he presses out and it feels like all of his breath leaves his lungs, making him writhe in pain. He's never felt like this before and it's starting to freak him out. Dean doesn't even hesitate for a second, just hugs him tightly, rocking him gently back and forth while rubbing circles on his back.

'Don't be. I'm actually glad to see all of this is affecting you so badly. But you can let go of it now, cause you're on your merry way to your first panic attack and trust me, you don't want that.' There are so many things Seth wants to address but no sound escapes his mouth.

(Dean is happy to see him this worked up? What, did he really think the whole past month that Seth was dancing around in his room all night because he keeps on fucking over his business partners, coming up with new and especially gruesome ways to fool Dean into thinking he was still interested in him? He's a scheming genius but he'd never betray his family like this.

And what the hell does he mean when Dean says he's about to have an anxiety attack? One just doesn't get them out of the blue, right? But how would he know, he's never had one before. Dean is the specialist for them and when he tells him he's one step away from one, Seth believes him.)

'What should I do?' he gasps, helplessly clutching Dean's injured shoulder, only distantly realizing how much that must hurt his brother. But he doesn't hear even a single complaint, so he holds on and breathes in Dean's pretty unique scent until his heart stops tumbling around in his chest and his body is able to relax again.

He doesn't even care that he's about to melt to a puddle in Dean's arm. It's just that he's missed getting hugged by his brother and after four weeks it's almost like he finally found the secret entrance to heaven. He could spent the rest of his life like this.

Dean, though, has other plans.

'There are no guidelines for that. Everybody is different. Seems like I was enough to calm you down.' His friend scoots back to the other end of the bed, leaning his back against the remaining pillow and rubbing over his left shoulder.

'How do you survive that?' Seth asks after a while in a low voice, not sure if he should talk about this. But Dean doesn't get up to storm out of the room, doesn't even blink. He just looks at him with a hard gaze that's almost a glare and Seth has a lot of problems to not look away.

Dean is obviously searching for something in his eyes, so he tries to give him whatever his friend wants.

The moment his brother opens his mouth, he knows he's failed this task. There is not enough trust between them for Dean to share something about himself and his past once more. He refrains from sighing disappointedly (really, he's not even mad at Dean, just angry at himself that he's done all this damage to his family) and sits back down cross-legged instead.

There are more pressing matters Seth needs to talk about than their broken relationship. He (hopefully) still has the rest of their lives to make up for that. But the championship titles and Roman's big chance are _once in a lifetime_ things and Seth doesn't want to screw that up too.

'I'm looking at the new champion then,' Dean says, his voice swaying between pride and disdain. Seth can totally understand him. 'No, hopefully not,' he answers, making Dean wrinkle his brow in confusion, before he understands what Seth is implying.

'You want _me_ to prevent your title reign? You sure about that?' He nods urgently, relief flooding his brain when Dean smiles devious and cracks his neck. 'You got it, Rollins. I'm free to do whatever I want to?'

Seth nods again, knowing full well that there's no way to put Dean on a leash anyway; not that he even wants to. 'Just be on time. You might only have a window of a few seconds,' he warns his brother, but Dean only waves his words off. 'When have I ever been late?'

Seth doesn't even want to, he just laughs out loud at that, letting go of all the tension stiffening his body. Dean smiles too, remembering very well the times when he showed up at the very last second to the shows, leaving Roman and him to wonder if he would come at all.

'But I've always been there when it really mattered,' Dean defends himself half-heartedly, fiddling with a loose thread of his jeans. 'Hey, just make sure Cena stays the champion.' Dean suddenly looks up at him, scrutinizing Seth again with those stormy blue eyes. That he's not running into the bathroom to hide from this is a minor miracle.

'Why?' his brother wants to know and Seth is taken aback by that question for a second. 'Why what?' Dean half-smirks, sliding deeper down the bed until he's lying on his back, left shoulder not touching anything because of the pillow stuffed under his body.

'Why do you want John to be our champion? You're way better than him and it's his fifteenth reign. Like, come on, he's not _that_ good, right?' Seth knows he must look like a fish right now, opening and closing his mouth multiple times because he wants to say something, just doesn't know what he could possibly answer to that.

Dean has so much faith in his abilities, not only his manipulating ones. It makes him want to tear up and hug Dean for the rest of the night. But then he remembers their big brother. 'Because of Rome. Hunter told me that at Battleground he'll be in a Fatal 4-Way with Cena, Orton and Kane.'

There's a moment of silence with Seth watching Dean like a hawk and his brother licking his lips lost in thoughts. 'Doesn't make sense to put him in there,' Dean finally reveals with a dark voice, confusion making his words harsh.

Seth just wants to ask what he means, when his brain makes the leap itself. It's actually true. Roman being in that match is weird and something Seth should investigate in the next few days. Hunter has declared Roman to the number one enemy because of various reasons. (Seth making him drug Stephanie is sadly one of them.)

There are two possible reasons as to why Triple H is doing this. Number one: He' doing this to taunt the WWE universe as well as Roman, trying to prove that his brother can't win these matches without Dean by his side; that he doesn't have what it takes.

And number two: He wants to humiliate Roman by giving him title chance after title chance without ever letting him win that damn thing. And that will most likely include Seth and/or Kane as plan B. Maybe Hunter will concentrate his efforts on Dean until Battleground, threatening Roman to throw him out of the title match if he ever interferes in Dean's matches to help his brother.

And there's also Seth and his Money in the Bank briefcase, if everything else fails.

Which would turn Seth only into the ace up his sleeve. Hm, maybe he has overrated his own importance in the Authority. Seems like he needs to re-evaluate everything he's planned out so far.

Dean sighs, rubbing over his eyes lazily, reminding Seth of how fucking late it already is. He's not tired anymore – not with Dean so close – but he can see it in his brother's face that he's barely holding on; fighting against falling asleep in Seth's bed.

Before he can say anything along the lines of _I can drive you to Rome_ or _You can sleep in the bed, I'm gonna take the sofa_ Dean speaks up again while trying to get comfortable with his injured shoulder. Is he really lying down to spend the night here? With him. Just like that.

Okay, seriously, what is Dean on and why does it freak him out so much that they're together in the same room? It's not like he's sixteen again, unable to keep his hormones in check as soon as he's with his high school crush. He's twenty-eight for God's sake and this is not the first time he's ever been in love.

(But it's the first time he's fallen for a Dean Ambrose. The first time he's fucked up a relationship before it even had the chance to bloom. The first time he's trying to get something back he hasn't even got a good enough taste of. Things with Dean are weird, complicated and frustrating as hell. Yet it's all he wants. All he needs. Obviously, he's as twisted and bizarre as Dean.)

'Who are you going to fight?' Dean interrupts his thoughts and points to the free space next to him, urging Seth to use his own bed for once like he's supposed to. He follows the silent order very reluctantly, always paying close attention to what his body does.

He doesn't need a surprise boner to show Dean how desperate he is. And he doesn't want to get punched again. He still remembers the last time very vividly. And his next answer might lead to that anyway. 'You.'

Dean turns his head towards him and now that he's almost up-close he can see the shadows under Dean's bloodshot eyes and how pale his friend is. How in the hell had he missed that before? Dean actually looks like he's about to pass out or die on him.

Yet he doesn't move, doesn't offer a glass of water or a ride back to his own hotel because the tension in the room just rose to the highest possible level. Seth is sure that if he'd reach out, he could touch it. Dean seems neither angry nor happy that he'll end up with Seth in the ring. There's not a single muscle in his face moving.

'How long do you know that already?' he eventually asks, wary and oh-so-tired. Seth hesitates for a split second, wondering if the should lie but decides to tell the truth. There are already enough dishonesties cracking their fragile brotherhood, he doesn't want to make things even worse. 'A week or so.'

Dean nods slowly while taking off his jeans and pulling up the sheets to cover himself up until the waist. Seth watches with mortification (and a teeny tiny bit of arousal) how his brother gets ready for bed. His bed. With him in it. There should be a voice in his head screaming _abort mission_ but he can't hear a damn thing. Other than Dean saying, 'When did you want to tell me?'

He makes it sound like Seth would never have told him about this match – which might be true. Kinda. There is so much he has to think about, so much to consider and plan ahead and re-do. It just slipped his mind every time he was talking to Dean.

He's getting a bit evasive, hiding behind his legs again, drawing the rest of the covers up to his chest. 'I was working on it. I can't take care of everything at the same time,' he tries to defend himself, almost able to feel his guard coming up again.

But Dean just huffs out a tired laugh and moves his bad shoulder to clap Seth on the arm, separating his vice-like grip on his own legs so he can lie down too. 'Just chill, I'm all in,' he snickers, tapping on his chest to get his attention. As soon as he has it, Dean points with his finger to the lamp, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

He's supposed to turn off the lights. He's what?

Oh God. He has never wanted to be able to vanish into thin air this badly.

Dean doesn't seem to catch up on to his inner turmoil, or he still just pointedly ignores it. Seth wishes he could also be this laid back. Now he knows why Roman always had to be there. Not to hold Dean's hand, no, to hold his own.

He's about to freak out over a sleepover, for Christ's sake. So much for being all grown up.

Dean just yawns and reaches over Seth when he doesn't move, turning the light off himself. Even though Dean's chest barely touched his, it's enough to let his whole body turn into stone, making it impossible for him to even move a finger.

His brother is as unperturbed as ever, his _I don't give a fuck_ attitude helping him to overlook Seth's weird behavior. 'You know I was just waiting to get a chance to fight you one-on-one.' He's a bit sad that he can't see Dean's face anymore because his voice tells Seth absolutely nothing at all. It's as if every emotion got sucked out of his friend, leaving Seth completely clueless as to how to properly react.

He must admit, Dean is pretty good at this. Making him squirm and driving him nuts with every word or action, taunting him, arousing him. And he probably doesn't even try very hard right now. It's all natural for Dean to pick on his baby brother.

'Yeah, but it's likely that that'll be our last match,' Seth finally whispers into the dark night, the closed curtains blocking out any moonlight. He can feel the bed dip, the movement indicating that Dean is moving. There's some hissing and muffled cursing and Seth even gets hit by a flying hand. He's not asking what Dean is up to, afraid that the answer might be what he fears it is: Dean is taking off his tank top.

Which means he's now lying beside Seth, clad only in boxer shorts. God is truly testing him tonight and Seth isn't sure he even wants to pass. Pass out maybe, but he has no such luck.

'Doesn't mean we have to part ways, you goof,' Dean moans, sending pleasant shivers down Seth's spine. His whole body starts to tingle, as if it's just waking up again, called back to attention by Dean's voice.

He forces himself to think of a way to come up with something – anything – to say to that because he fears that after Battleground Dean _will_ lose sight of him again. He can only convince Hunter for an estimated time that it's best if Seth keeps Dean close. And if his brother beats him at the Pay Per View, he'll have to come up with a good reason to explain why he should stay with them.

Dean will move on, Roman will move on and Seth will be the one standing awkwardly in the shadows, watching his brothers hug each other while walking away. He's catapulted himself out of their life and no matter how hard he tries, he'll always be the third wheel.

His lips are moving but there's nothing he could possibly say that would make any of this better. Even though Dean is within his reach right now, he couldn't be further away. Things will never be the same again, and Seth only has himself to blame.

'You know that, right?' Dean wants to know after the silence got uncomfortable and Seth can feel his brother reaching out to him, grabbing him by the wrist to give him some kind of anchor; sensing very correctly that Seth is drowning in doubts and self-hatred, trying to help him find a way out of it again.

'I'm still here. So is Ro. We're not leaving you.' No, they will. He's not worth their time and effort to keep him around. He's hurt them, made them mistrust each other, has played with their feelings. As soon as this feud is over, Dean and Roman will turn their backs on him, because he deserves that.

Their ways will lead them away from him and the worst thing is that they can always go back to The Shield, while he – the one who cracked it by betraying them – will get left out no matter how hard he fights and trashes and tries to claw his way back in.

He has no right to be in this brotherhood anymore.

'Hey, listen to me,' Dean says urgently, hugging him close to his chest out of nowhere. He once again tries to calm himself down with Dean's scent because this is not him. He's not some overly emotional, nerve-wrecked mess that is unable to even form one coherent thought.

He's not the one Dean should be worried about. (It's supposed to be the other way round.)

'You've fucked up and no one of us could ever forget that. But you're trying and you're now part of the Authority, acting as our little spy. I get it and so does Ro. And as soon as we get what we want – all of your asses – we're gonna move on. But that does not mean that we will leave behind our little brother. When all of this is over, whenever that will be, you'll come back home. Understood?'

_Home_.

Dean is offering him the one thing he's wanted since he closed the door behind him four weeks ago. And it's not some trick, not something he said just to allay his worries. He means every word he's just whispered into Seth's ear.

It's been a long night and Seth has gone through so many emotions in the past eight hours – it's like his feelings are stuck on a roller coaster – that he's simply too tired to fight against them anymore.

'Hey, hey,' Dean soothes him as soon as tears land on his naked shoulder, once again rubbing Seth's back in perfect little circles. 'I'm sorry,' Seth sobs, desperately trying to regain some control over his body and mind, but it is to no avail.

'This is all too much for me and I'm so fucking lonely all the time and it's really hard to keep up this stupid act and–' he rambles on whenever he has enough breath to do so. Dean lets him pour his heart out without interrupting him once. Just stays by his side and hold him close.

How on earth does he deserve this perfectly imperfect human being as his chosen one?

Dean should be punching him again, should spit on him and yell how worthless he is, how he broke their hearts and therefore should never be allowed near them again.

'I'm so alone, Dean. I stand alone and everyone hates me. I get threatened, people are actually wishing for me to die. I'm not a hero, I never claimed to be one. But I'm not the bad guy either. I'm not made of stone, I have no shield to protect me from all of this. I sometimes don't even know what's right or wrong anymore.

'I... it's like I'm walking the fine line between the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell every god damn day of my life. I know it's my fault, I'm the only one to blame but I don't deserve all that hatred. I fucked up, I'm more than aware of that. I should never have left you just because I was too afraid of what we could be. Cause I was too intimidated by your affection.'

He's breathing hard when his mouth finally closes again, tears are still running down his cheeks but he feels a lot better now. The heavy burden weighing down his heart has been lifted by letting it all out just once. He's never talked with anyone about this before, didn't think he was in any position to complain, but Dean's presence helps him believe that maybe he can have a moment of weakness too, without being judged for it.

His brother sighs, massaging Seth's bruised lower back with his right hand as if he was born to do it. 'I know we give you a lot of shit, on top of everyone else, but Ro and I are entitled to it. Don't ya think?' Of course he does. And he's not saying that his family should change this – he wouldn't trust them if they'd forgive him just like that anyway.

No, the ones hurting him the most are the fans that stood by his side during the beginning of The Shield when they'd been Paul Heyman guys of some sorts and continued to support him when they'd started to fight against the Authority. Those so-called fans that dropped him as soon as he turned his back on his brothers. They didn't even try to understand him.

Okay, they don't know the real reason for it, but can't they understand that him trying to make a name for himself is also something everyone in this business wants? Why are they so hell-bent on making his life a living hell? He didn't betray _them_ , for heaven's sake.

But he's a hundred percent sure that he will only be in the good graces of the fans again when Dean and Roman forgive him publicly. Whenever that will be. If it'll ever happen. Only God knows how well his master plan will work out in the future.

There's a long and lonely life ahead of him. He can't believe he's been so stupid to let everything he's worked for so hard for years slip through his fingers.

'That doesn't mean that we hate you. Family is never easy, but in the end it's all you have. There will come a day when we'll be together again. You, Ro and me. And until then you'll have to move on. Baby steps, bother. Baby steps all the way.'

As long as they're moving forward, he'll be able to deal with this. It's a promise of some sorts and Seth surely won't get tired to remind Dean of his words whenever things get tough from now on.

Neither of them says anything after that. Seth just concentrates on not freaking out again while Dean's body gets heavier with each passing minute. As if he's starting to lean on him because his own weight is too much to bear. His movements are getting sluggish too, the circles he still rubs on his back are weirdly out of shape. It says a lot that Dean is willing to lean on a man who he knows is falling.

'Are you dozing off on my shoulder?' Dean's hand jerks a bit, as if Seth had jolted him awake again. 'No,' he answers, voice low and rough, telling Seth that he's lying in his face right now. He chuckles, hugging Dean close to him; not yet sure if he'd like to fall asleep like this or take things to a different level.

'Is there any chance this is gonna end in some TLC?' he asks hopefully, rubbing his nose over Dean's neck, smiling when the dirty blond hair tickles his face. Some tender loving care is exactly what he needs right now. He doesn't just want to take it from Dean, doesn't want to have a go at it without his brother's consent.

He's done that in the past, but after thinking very thoroughly about it, he decided on not repeating it. Dean might have never said no to him, but that doesn't mean that he's enjoyed Seth practically attacking him. Stealing kisses might not seem like a big deal but making out definitely is one. Seth wants to do it right from the get-go. He probably also can't afford to make another big mistake.

Dean chuckles and pats him lightly on the arm, indicating that he wants Seth to let go of him. He's reluctant to comply but separates their bodies when his brother gently tries to push him away with a hand placed on his chest. For a moment Seth fears he's fucked it up already, heart starting to go crazy again, when Dean says kinda unemotionally, 'If you want me to hit you with a chair once more, you'll have to wait until I'm awake again.'

'Dean,' he instantly groans, letting himself falling backwards into the soft mattress. 'That's not what I meant.' The laughter answering him is enough to show him that Dean knows exactly what Seth is up to. But it wouldn't be Dean if he'd make it easy for him.

'You wanna go at it _now_?' He doesn't sound surprised or exasperated, but there's also no hint of anticipation to be found in his voice. Seth smiles anyway, inching closer and closer with each passing second, only realizing Dean can't see it in the darkness when he bumps against the other's injured shoulder without a word being said.

'Oh shit, sorry,' he apologizes, briefly thinking about switching positions, so he won't collide with that obstacle every time he tries to touch Dean. But that's probably exactly what his brother had had in mind when he chose that side of the bed earlier. Smart move. Not that it will stop Seth, but this round goes to Dean.

It's really hard to touch Dean without leaning on the bruised arm but Seth is doing his best to squeeze himself between the injured limb and Dean's hips. In the end, his brother just sighs fondly and lifts his arm with a small hiss, so Seth can scoot closer to hug his waist and lay his head directly over Dean's heart.

It's beating normally (god damn) until Seth asks in a husky voice, 'Would you let me?' He has to smile when the steady beat stutters and Dean goes a bit stiff under him. Oh, he so can't deny anymore that he hasn't though about this many, many times. But the moment of weakness passes quicker than Seth wants and Dean is back to being his old self.

There's a hand trying to push his face away playfully, the simple gesture answer enough, but of course Dean has to up the ante. 'That's not only a _no_ but a _hell no_.' It's all good fun until his brother gets serious again (Seth can feel it by the way his muscles flex), telling him the reason why he's not yet ready to let Seth either in his heart or his pants.

'You broke us, Seth. We gave you everything and you carelessly threw it all away. For a while there, you left us dead inside. It's gonna take some time to trust you again.' That just now was the first time Dean has called him by his name tonight. He's missed those four letters coming out of Dean's mouth, but it doesn't make him feel better.

The hand on his face disappears after Dean has gently clapped him on the cheek, leaving Seth feeling horribly empty and like he's an intruder right now; invading Dean's sacred personal space.

He really has to stop thinking that he doesn't deserve all of this. He might have screwed it up the first time around, but if Dean is willing to give him another chance, why is he not accepting this gift (like Dean said) the only way he should? Where is his will to fight now?

'But you promised that there could be some spontaneous make-out,' he whispers, sounding like the petulant child he is, eliciting a brotherly laugh from Dean. 'You're insufferable, you know that?' he shoots back, tone light and teasing and Seth can finally relax for the first time since he saw Dean in the parking lot.

This is familiar ground. He's used to bickering – misses it every second of his new life (there are only snarky remarks and sneers happening in the Authority) –, can work with that better than with the cold and distanced, disapproving rejection his brothers throw at him for four weeks already.

This right now is _home_.

And it feels so good that Seth runs wild with it, just enjoys the constant push and pull happening between him and Dean. He doesn't even think about it when he jabs a finger in Dean's stomach and breathes out a happy, 'Oh, come on, you totally love me.'

He knows he's screwed it up when Dean goes completely still, like he just turned into stone, not even breathing anymore. The only sign of life is his heartbeat, going crazy beneath Seth's cheek. But he knows instantly that it's not the good kind.

There's a horrible saturninity engulfing both of them and Seth's brain screams at him how he can be so stupid and ruin a perfectly awesome moment. He just had to, right? Because he can never have nice things. No, he needs to fuck it up for himself, so he can wallow in self-pity.

_Fucking apologize_ , he thinks over and over again, too afraid to open his mouth and shatter this embarrassing yet still surprisingly friendly silence. The first sound escaping his mouth makes him wince – it's a mixture between a squeak and a cough –, Dean under him slowly relaxing again.

That his brother is still here and he's not gotten punched yet, gives him enough courage to try it again. 'Sorry, that was inappropriate.' Dean scoffs, breathing in deeply through his nose and using his bad arm to pat Seth on the hair. 'No, I mean yeah,' he answers slowly, adding something that brings disaster to Seth. 'But I did. I guess you should know.'

All these years he could only speculate if Dean really truly had it bad for him. He always knew that he cherished him and Rome as brothers but that was not what Seth had wanted. But since Dean never reciprocated any of his kisses, never said anything about how he felt, Seth just hoped that he was as affected by him than Seth was by Dean.

Even after the Royal Rumble, when Dean tried to approach Seth more directly, when he initiated more little touches that could mean anything and nothing at all and Seth could see how his brother got a bit nervous whenever he was around, he could never tell for sure.

A little crush, yeah, that was undeniable. True love? Unlikely.

And the moment he thought about Dean loving him with all his heart, he had panicked. Dean doesn't open up his heart easily, and Seth was supposed to be the special one? The one he wants to share everything with.

He never once doubted his own feelings for Dean, but he had to ask himself if he was ready to be the one person in Dean's life that would forever make the difference. The one Dean lets in on his own. It was too much responsibility for Seth.

And so he fled. First in March during that match, then for real in June, getting tangled up in the webs of the Authority.

So much for being the smart one.

'You loved me?' he whispers, half in awe, half terribly sad because Dean said this in the past tense. He knows what it means if people talk about their feelings in that manner. It means everything has changed.

His whole chest constricts when Dean says very casually, 'Yup.' Like he doesn't even want to change that anymore. Dean has talked about how they are a family. What if Seth's betrayal has turned his feelings around too? What if Dean has realized that it's too much trouble loving Seth like this? Having him as his baby brother might just be enough for him now.

'But not anymore,' Seth tries to ask, voice breaking at the end, making it sound more like a plea than a real question. 'Seth,' Dean sighs, obviously pretty fed up with his whining. It's a miracle he hasn't pushed Seth away yet. Probably because it would hurt his shoulder even more.

'Sorry.' 'Stop apologizing,' Dean chides him immediately, sick and tired of Seth backing down this easily. He doesn't recognize himself anymore either. The person he is in the ring couldn't be more different than the one lying in this bed right now. All because he fears he's not good enough for Dean. Never was and never will be.

'I'm working on it, okay? Like I said, this needs time. A lot of it.' He doesn't expect anything else. Knowing that little bit about Dean's past, he's sure that trust issues isn't even his brother's biggest problem with him right now.

'Okay,' he murmurs, glad that Dean lets him still hug him, even though his words convey a completely different message.

Time is ticking by agonizingly slow and too fast at the same time. Seth can already make out the first rays of sunshine lightening up the room bit by bit when Dean – who he had assumed to be sleeping the whole time – whispers kind of hurriedly, as if he's one word away from taking them all back, 'You get one kiss.'

Seth lifts his head, trying to get a good look into Dean's eyes but it's still not bright enough to make anything out beneath the shadows the other's hair casts over his face. But in the end, it doesn't matter, right? Dean is giving him a chance to atone for his sins; trying to meet him somewhere half-way.

'Like, _right now_ or is this more like an _I'm gonna give you a coupon for one kiss. Come and get it whenever you want to_ offer?' He really wants to know. Because if this is a once in a lifetime thing, he'll damn sure won't waste that one kiss right now. He'll take that in the most bittersweet moment to always be able to remember it.

Judging by the sound he's making, Dean just rolls his eyes at him. He feels two fingers lift up his chin, tugging him towards his brother's face. Oh. So, right now it is. He probably shouldn't be grinning like an idiot and better concentrate on savoring every second.

'Why do you always need to complicate everything so much? Fucking kiss me already.'

* * *

Two days later, he's in the middle of his beloved work out (it's the only time he can be himself in public and just shut off his brain), when his phone lights up, telling him he's got a message. He finishes his exercise before he decides it's okay to catch a small break.

_what did you do to dean_

Seth stares at his phone for a while, debating internally if he should tell Roman about jerking Dean off. In the end he settles for a very true: _Nothing! Why?_

It's not like Dean hasn't given him the permission to do it after Money in the Bank. Seth isn't guilty of doing anything without his brother's consent. Besides, he can't be blamed for everything that's happening.

_he's acting weird since mitb_

Shit. A simple handjob can't change much, right? Dean was totally okay with it, as far as Seth can tell. Okay, he hasn't seen or heard anything from him since Monday, but the fact that Dean had interfered in his cash in the way they had agreed to was evidence enough for him to believe everything's alright between them.

Even if Seth had to beg a lot until he could get his hands on Dean.

_Weird how? It's Dean._

His brother has to be a bit more specific – especially if he thinks it's Seth's fault. Dean acting weird is nothing new.

He thinks it's best to hide in the bathroom for now. Even if no one is interested in him anymore (not since the people in here have recognized him and wanted to take some pictures), it's still better than to risk someone looking over his shoulder seeing him talking to Rome.

Maybe he should change their names. But he has already bought a new phone explicitly for the Authority, so he can keep all of his memories (old pictures and messages) forever.

_his mood swings are totally out of control_  
it's like dr jekyll and mr hyde  
even jimmy and jey said he's acting strange

As if that is any indication. Jimmy and Jey are adorable oddballs too. But it's worrisome that Dean suffers from these drastic mood swings. Not that it's ever been easy to keep up with them, but if Roman says it's not normal anymore than something must really be up.

It's times like these when Seth really hates himself for letting everything spin out of control this badly. He sighs, fingers trembling when he writes Roman the truth about Monday.

_I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear this, but there might have happened a handjob after MITB._

It doesn't take long for Roman to answer and Seth can hear the critical sigh even from a hundred miles away.

_you two... was he overly ecstatic_

Well, he didn't do a backflip out of pure joy when he came, but Dean had seemed really relaxed and happy-go-lucky afterwards.

_I guess so. He fell asleep almost directly after it and he was already gone when I woke up._

He's still a bit miffed that Dean just left him like some cheap hooker, but he had just assumed that his brother needed some time to sort out everything that had happened before he concentrated on his task on Raw.

_i'm worried_

Seth smiles sadly. Roman is constantly concerned about his brothers, especially Dean. There is a lot to be unsettled by, but Seth is sure that Dean will come around – given enough time. Knowing now that a simple handjob could throw him off the track to such an extend, he'll take things a bit slower in the future.

After all, Seth wants to do this in Dean's (horribly slow) pace.

_I'm sure it's nothing._

His words fall on deaf ears. A minute later he's staring at Roman's words, unable to connect them with the chilled out Dean he saw two nights prior.

_no, he's beating himself up and i'm seriously worried_

Literally or figuratively? Why is Roman never talkative in his texts? But more importantly, what is his brother expecting from him now?

_I get it, but what am I supposed to do about it?_

He can't go to Dean and just ask him in his face if he's been acting weird lately. Or if it has anything to do with Monday morning. Mostly because he won't see Dean before Smackdown and it'd be a bit strange if he'd walk into the locker room to talk about jerking his brother off in front of everyone.

What has his life even come to?

_dunno. just keep an eye on him too  
should anything change for the worse, we'll have to do something_

Roman doesn't write another text, adding the words _This is all your fault_ , but Seth knows they're both thinking it.


	5. i am not prepared to be strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Aw, come on, it's not funny if I can't make you sweat,' Dean teases him but Seth is not in the mood for that right now. 
> 
> He really doesn't have any intention of playing Dean's game, yet his mouth does what it's used to. 'You already did that Monday morning, remember?' As if any of them needs the reminder of what happened. Obviously his little handjob had been either so good that he had cracked Dean's emotions completely or so bad that he'd thrown him into a manic depression.
> 
> Both isn't exactly something he can be proud of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this last part with Seth will probably end up being split in three chapters because the whole conversation with Dean and Roman got too long. Again, thanks to everyone who reads this and leaves a comment. It really means a lot to me!

Seth is standing in front of this stupid door for like ten minutes already, nowhere near ready to ring the bell. He knows it's rude to be late, but he seriously doesn't want to be here. Family dinner, they have called it. More like a meeting of the Authority and their obedient little pets with hopefully some decent food to grab.

At least he hopes it's not an overly formal thing because then he'd be totally under-dressed. Today, he didn't exactly feel like himself or like putting on a show, so he chose some comfortable stuff that could act as his little shield.

He's wearing some black baggy pants, sneakers in the same color and Dean's old, a bit worn out Cesaro shirt. He can't even remember how many times they've shared it over the course of time. (In the end, Seth had stolen it like everything else.)

All he did to make himself look better was to bleach his hair again, adding some tiny stray strands into the usual patch, so he can vary his style a bit.

Standing in front of the McMahon-Helmsley mansion won't get him anywhere though, so he raises his arm to fucking finally ring that damn bell when his phone chimes, saving him in the very last second. It's his old one – and how thoughtless was it from him to bring it with him, into the lion's den? –, so it's no surprise that Dean's name pops up.

At least he changed the ring tone to something inconspicuous.

His brother doesn't even give him a chance to say anything as soon as he accepts the call, just bursts out really loud, 'Have you talked to big daddy Hunter yet?' As if he wants Seth to get into trouble because of him. Thank God that he's still standing in front of the house, instead of being inside, surrounded by Kane, Randy, Steph and Trips who would undoubtedly listen to every word being spoken.

'Dean,' he hisses hurriedly, walking a few steps away from any doors and windows. Just in case. He's probably a paranoid nutcase by the time all of this is over. 'I thought I told you not to call me when I'm with the Authority.' And he remembers that clearly, urging Dean very adamantly to either only text him or wait until Seth gets in touch with him.

He can hear Roman chuckle in the back – Dean must have put the call on speaker. Or he just grimaced and their brother saw it, knowing instantly what's going on. Oh, how he wishes the three of them could go to some pizza place tonight, where he could forget all the things concerning him.

'Aw, come on, it's not funny if I can't make you sweat,' Dean teases him but Seth is not in the mood for that right now. He wants this phone call to be over as quickly as possible. He can't afford to lose any more time. Someone will come out to look for him sooner or later.

Or they'll call him and, in the worst case, will hear his cell go off right in front of their house. And he can't drive away anymore because some jerk parked his car in the worst possible way while Seth tried to work up enough courage and arrogance to survive an evening at the McMahon-Helmsley house.

He really doesn't have any intention of playing Dean's game, yet his mouth does what it's used to. 'You already did that Monday morning, remember?' As if any of them needs the reminder of what happened. Obviously his little handjob had been either so good that he had cracked Dean's emotions completely or so bad that he'd thrown him into a manic depression.

Both isn't exactly something he can be proud of.

But Dean seems to be in a very good mood – probably thanks to Roman being there with him – because he answers in some kind of sing-song, 'Nope. No clue what you're talking about.' He so doesn't have time for this little game of whatever. Except, he wants to have it, so he walks back to his car and sits on the hood, watching the driveway of the mansion very closely.

'You're a horrible liar.' 'I'm a spectacular liar,' his brother shoots back immediately, Roman laughing fondly somewhere behind him. He misses his family.

Why do they constantly have to show him what he's missing out on? It's already too much for him that they're helping each other out in the ring again, doing their little touching to make him jealous and the fist thing to show him what he willingly gave up. And judging Roman's in-ring behavior, Seth is long overdue for a spear too.

'Then you're horrible at denying things,' he says eventually, kicking around a small stone with his shoe. 'Shut up, I'm awesome.' Yeah, no denying that. His heart stops for a moment when he thinks a curtain in one of the windows had been drawn back a bit, revealing him sitting on his car in the driveway, talking on the phone when he should be in there with them for nearly twenty minutes now.

But nothing happens. It was probably only his mind playing tricks on him.

'No, _you_ are going to get me killed.' Dean scoffs. 'Only if they realize you're talking to _me_.' Which might not be a problem at all, since he obviously is not able to end this call. It's just... this right now feels like the home Dean has promised him. And Seth likes to absorb every little moment of that whenever he gets it, so he can live off of them when he's all alone.

Wait a second. Dean is way too quiet after saying something like this. He's not– he can't be. _No_. 'Oh, don't even think about it. I swear to God, if you–' he starts to threaten his brother when someone taps him on the shoulder, scaring him to death.

'Hey, Randy. How's it goin'?' he practically screams into the phone, desperately hoping that Dean won't ruin this for him by yelling back something compromising. Knowing his brother better than anyone, his chances are fifty-fifty. Randy smiles at him hollowly while nodding towards the door, indicating that they should get inside.

Seth doesn't even care that he isn't the last one to show up tonight – or that he definitely is underdressed; even Randy knew better than to wear casual street clothes (or the stuff of the love of his life) –, all he can concentrate on is Dean's husky voice, whispering gleefully into his ear.

'Oh, Seth. _Seth_. He's there with you, isn't he? And I'm here on the phone. Me, your dirty little secret. I could just hang up. You could hang up. But you won't because you think I'll get mad again and you don't want me mad. And I won't because I'm having the time of my life.'

It's not necessary to mention that this little speech lets a pleasant shiver run down Seth's spine, making him smile without wanting to.

There's a tiny pause in which he points to the phone and then to the door, so that Randy will just leave and tell the others that Seth is still kind of busy right now. And then he can feel his heart sink when Dean speaks up again, voice now chipper and excited. 'Ro, come here and help me.'

They're really trying to get him killed. Randy is still standing right next to him – like seriously, is privacy a foreign concept to him? ( _Oh_ , so that's what Roman's always complaining about) – watching his every move like the snake he's supposed to be, ready to devour its prey.

He doesn't like being monitored like this. Especially because he starts sweating, the whole situation way too dangerous for his liking. (But he still doesn't end the call, doesn't even think of it; a part of him enjoying the thrill.)

'With what?' he can hear Roman step closer while Randy automatically does the same, as if he is fully intending to listen in on this conversation. Seth pushes himself off the hood and retreats back a bit, holding up a hand and smiling cockily. He can't let his guard slip now, no matter how happily Dean replies, 'Getting Seth into trouble.'

'Count me in.' Yeah, great. Isn't Roman supposed to be the grown up one? 'Guys,' he hisses, voice as low as possible, so Randy won't hear, before looking the other straight into the face and rolling his eyes for good measure. 'It's my dad. Some family crisis, I'll be there in a sec. Tell them I'm terribly sorry and that they can start dinner without me.'

Randy doesn't move an inch, proving to Seth that he might have indeed underestimated the intelligence of The Viper. Not by far, he's sure of that, but maybe there's more to him than meets the eye.

'We should do some dirty talk.' Now? Really? He couldn't do that the past three years (well, not outside a ring) but the moment Seth's head is trapped in a guillotine, he can start with it? 'Count me out then.' At least Roman knows what's the right thing to do.

He raises his eyebrows at Randy, getting a bit impatient with the other's persistence. He's acting like a watch dog, ready to bite his ankle as soon as Seth dares to move. 'You're no fun, Ro,' Dean moans on the other end of the line and Roman's faraway answer tells him that his brother has already walked away from Dean. 'I just don't want to talk about you sucking that kid off.'

Jesus! It takes all of his willpower to not even blink at that. But he's sure he's blushing a bit, which is not the wisest move when someone of the Authority is staring him down. 'What, you wanna do it yourself?' If he will survive this night, he'll drive all the way to their hotel to smother them in their sleep.

What is wrong with his family today? Is this their special kind of torture and revenge? It sucks dick. On any other day it'd be funny – maybe – but not right now. And definitely not when he's on the wrong side of the phone call. 'I'd rather let you gouge my eyes out,' Roman laughs back, making Dean snicker too.

Okay, now they're just being mean. He's not _that_ bad. 'Hey!' he protests automatically, which only makes his brothers laugh even more and louder at him. Yeah, of course, all jokes are on him tonight. Very funny. Can they now go back to being adults again?

'Everything alright?' Randy butts into his conversation unwanted, making Seth almost snarl at him. He doesn't, but it's a very close call. 'Yeah, I think so. He tends to say a lot of meaningless stuff in between the important one.' Which is not even a lie right now. Oh, he's good.

Dean seems to think so too. 'I do,' he practically pipes into the speaker. 'I've also been thinking about tearing that black suit of yours into tiny little pieces, making you squirm beneath me. Maybe I'll leave the tie on, but other than that you'll not get to wear anything.'

There's a smile tugging at his lips, while he tries not to let his eyes flutter shut to imagine all of this in peace. He does grin in the end, but it's a cruel and unforgiving one, sending Randy finally on his way to the door and out of earshot.

He breathes in relieved, ecstatic to be finally left alone with a way too exhilarated Dean and a frustrated Roman in the back. 'But you can consider yourself lucky if I let you wear that damn tie around your freaky long neck. Who knows? Maybe I'll wrap it around another freakishly long part of yours as a special gift for mys–'

He's one second away from climbing awkwardly into his car and just ramming that stupid Porsche blocking him until he's free, so he can take care of some unfinished business. Throttling Dean will be on the top of his To Do List. Directly after jacking off.

'God fucking dammit, Dean!' Roman shouts, voice stuck between mortification and amusement. 'I can still hear you and I don't want to have _that_ image stuck in my head for the rest of my li– oh for the love of– it's already there. Thank you very much.'

There's a whack, followed by a, 'Ow. What the hell was that for?' So Roman really just smacked Dean for making him go through all this. Seth has never loved his brother more than in this moment. 'For making me think about the two of you fucking.'

He decides to remain silent, too engrossed by their conversation and also not really able to let go of his own mental image. He will be forever grateful that he decided against wearing some skinny jeans tonight. Especially when he listens to Dean's next statement. ' _I_ never punch _you_ when I think of it.'

'Wait, what?' he tries to intervene, rubbing over his ear as if he can't believe what he's just heard. First they're moving in slow motion and now Dean is practically racing towards the finish line that promises a passionate relationship?

(Sometimes, especially lately, Seth can't stop himself from wondering if Dean might be on something again. It makes him feel horrible for doubting his friend, but just the thought of losing his brother to a drug or because of one – he'd surely get fired or sent away to rehab, if he's lucky – is too much to bear.)

'Yeah, because I'd be a bloody pulp by now if you did,' Roman answers and there's some serious pouting going on. Seth supposes that as long as Rome doesn't freak out over Dean's current situation and even jokes with their brother as if nothing ever happened, then everything is still at least halfway okay.

As soon as he gets rid of those alarming thoughts, his brain catches up to what his brothers have just said. 'H-hold on,' he stutters, trying to digest all of the information at once. But it seems like they don't even pay attention to him anymore, completely lost in their own little bickering and bantering.

'I'm not thinking about doing the _dirty deeds_ with Seth all day and night,' Dean defends himself, his words making Seth weak in the knees. 'Jesus,' he breathes while opening his car door to sit down before his legs give out.

They just had to do this to him tonight. Seth has the worst brothers ever. He loves them so freaking much.

'I can't with you two! One day it's _oh my God, rip all my clothes off me and take me right here on the announce table; get your hat out of the way JBL_ and the next it's _touch me and I'll rip your head off, so I can feed it to some vicious, starved street dogs_ ,' Roman complains, voice getting stronger and louder again. Seth can even hear footsteps coming closer.

'I know, right?' he interjects, once again sure that they won't even bother to listen to him. 'You shut up,' his big brother commands, catching him completely off-guard. He was sure they had already forgotten he is still on the phone. 'But I–'

'Seth, you ready?' a deep, raspy voice calls out, making Seth flinch in his car. He looks at his phone, realizing this conversation is already going on for fifteen minutes, making him almost half an hour late. He's the worst ass-kisser ever.

'In a minute,' he shouts back to the door, waving at Hunter apologetically. 'It's my dad, there is something wrong with–' But it's like his private problems don't matter – which is nothing unusual in the Authority; if it isn't about their business or doesn't serve a higher purpose, it's not interesting –, Hunter waving him off like some annoying bug.

'Yeah, Randy told me already. Wrap this up and come on in, dinner is ready.' Which means: Make us wait just one more second and your head will be served on a silver platter.

There's a part of Seth that wants to wait this out just to see what will happen and if he'll have the guts to fight like he used to. Like Dean has taught him to. (Which means, playing a little dirty here and there.)

It's the same part that chooses to rather listen to his brother than ending this call. 'Did I hear dinner? You're having fancy dinner with your toad-eating family? Look who finally knows how to properly pronounce and identify a filet mignon.'

Look who's speaking. 'Ha, ha. Wasn't there a reason for your call?' he scoffs, getting out of his car again. He really needs to end this discussion. Not because he's afraid of Hunter and Stephanie, but because he's hungry and he can't afford to miss any important information they'll be talking about today.

Dean fakes a sulking tone, asking him, 'Aw, lights out already? Fine, so, did you talk to him about Smackdown yet?' Seems like the fun part is over and they're once again back to talking only about business. His life couldn't be any more upside down.

'No,' he whispers back in a hiss. Dean is wrong if he thinks that all of this is easy as pie for Seth. His brother didn't give him a good explanation as to why he even wants the match and how Seth can sell this crazy idea to his boss. He's not a fairy godparent or a wishing well. 'It's not exactly easy to come up with a reason to have you in a match with Randy.'

'Good,' Dean says satisfied. Seth is sure he has heard that one wrong. 'How on earth is this good?' he shoots back, walking around in circles, so he'll never get too close to the mansion. Dean chuckles for a while, enjoying Seth's nervousness, before he ultimately decides to let him in on the secret.

'Well, Ro and I came up with a little something ourselves.' Awesome. His brothers made a plan all by themselves. Now he's really curious how that one will turn out. It probably will end with Seth getting hurt, him having to beat up Dean or, in the worst case, both. Maybe it's be better if he never hears this. 'Then please, enlighten me.'  
  
His mouth is a fucking traitor, always letting things he's never wanted to say out loud slip. He just knows that this will end poorly and in a lot of pain, but Dean sounds so confident and proud of their plan, so Seth will do his best to make it come true. In the end, it's him who has to prove his worth.

Dean doesn't waste a second, eager to explain their scheme to him. 'Well, since you like to brag a lot these days about, well everything, we thought you could babble a bit about that golden ticket of yours. Your time, you'll be the champ, whatever floats your boat.'

Okay. That doesn't sound too bad. Except for the whole bragging stuff. He really hates doing that. It's just not him, standing in that ring and talking about only himself. He'd really enjoyed the times when he could hold a mic and say something about his brothers and how superior they were. That stupid Mr Money in the Bank shit will be the death of him.

'And?' he inquires, unable to not sound a bit pissed off. He knew he wouldn't like their plan. And he hasn't even heard all of it yet. Dean doesn't give two shits about his current mood, just continues as if Seth never said anything. 'And then I'll do what I do best. Shut you up and prove you wrong.'

So, Dean wants to do another promo, hiding somewhere in the arena to tell him he's a mindless, soulless minion and how punchable his face is. (And yes, he always listens very closely to what Dean has to say, because there's not a single word he doesn't mean like that. Seth still waits for the right moment to complain about Dean flipping him off more or less subtly a few days ago.)

On the plus side, there will be Dean in his gray leather jacket, looking dapper as fuck without even trying to. And he'll most likely rub over his chest or neck again, because that's a motion he unconsciously does whenever he tries to contain his darker, more crazier feelings. It's also pretty mesmerizing. So this is going to be the part of the plan he definitely likes to execute.

'How is a promo of yours gonna help me figure this out?' That's the only thing he hasn't understood so far. They've been doing this for a while now and it never ended with Dean going into a match against Randy. Why should it be different his time? 'No cut promo,' Dean clarifies, 'I'll come out to the ring.'

Oh, now _that_ definitely sounds good. There's gonna be a brawl, Dean tacking off his jacket while walking down the ramp, talking trash at him. Maybe this plan isn't so stupid after all. As long as Seth can get his hands on Dean in any possible way, he's so on board.

'You wanna smack talk a bit before you try to beat me up?' He actually likes that the most about their, well, feud because Dean is an amazing talker; every word he speaks into a microphone special and breathtaking. There's also not a chance in hell that his brother will only _try_ to get his hands on Seth. He knows how to play his role way better than Seth does.

'Hell yeah,' comes the enthusiastic reply and Seth has to hold back a witty comeback when Stephanie opens the door and waves at him, a cruel, aggravated smile plastered on her face. He grimaces apologetically, holding up three fingers to tell her he'll be there in three minutes, while whispering into the phone, 'Then what?'

Because so far their little fights have never ended with Randy helping him. It was always Kane, if he remembers correctly. Or, and he's not very proud of that, he bolted like a pussy. Dean must have read his mind because he answers teasingly, 'Well, instead of running away like you used to in the past four weeks, how about you stay in the ring with me, so someone has to come to your aid.'

'And by someone you hope it's gonna be a Slytherin?' Dean pauses a second, not sure what to say to that and Seth grins when he can hear Roman mumbling, 'It's a metaphor for a snake. Randy.' He's pretty sure the confused scowl on Dean's face would be a perfect picture for future blackmailing.

'Oh, ha, ha,' Dean counters peeved off. Seth really loves to just randomly throw the word snake into a conversation, so his brother will never forget his encounter with Jake Roberts. He doesn't even feel guilty that he had fled the ring with Roman, watching the scene unfold in front of their eyes. 'But yeah, I guess so.'

Seth sighs deeply, trying to think of every possible thing that could go wrong tomorrow if they do it Dean's way. There is surprisingly only one obstacle that instantly crosses his mind. 'What if it's the waiter Gerald?' How in the holy hell will Seth prevent Kane from running in to assist him again? After Money in the Bank he kinda feels like the so called demon (and really, isn't that just a big pile of stupid bullshit right there?) is always on his heels, send by either Randy or Trips to keep an eye on him.

It's driving him insane. And he doesn't mean the good kind – like what Dean and Roman are doing to him.

But his brother couldn't care less about Seth's worries. 'Then I'll fight him. I'm not afraid of anyone.' No one ever said that. In fact, Dean's recklessness is very hard to ignore. Even though he doesn't like the nickname street dog, he sometimes does act like one.

'I know,' Seth whimpers, already so drained and exhausted that he could drive back to the hotel and go to sleep even though it's not even eight pm. Everything costs him so much energy these days, it's a miracle he's still able to get up in the mornings. Well, it's a lot easier if there's the prospect of Dean during the day though.

'No one said you were. But you specifically asked for the spineless creature.' If Dean had wanted another match against Kane, he'd said so right away. His friend's next words explain why Dean is so laid back about all of this. He should have known that in the end, it's still his job to fix everything.

'I'm sure you can do something about it.' He heaves a loud sigh, letting Dean know how tired he is of having to work with only half a decent plan. 'Hey man, I'm not your personal Jeannie.' At least he hopes they don't think of him as one. Neither is he some supervillain with the power of mind control. He can't predict shit. All he can do is plant an idea in Hunter's head, letting it grow into a beautiful, destructive thing while constantly watering it.

'No, but you want to make it up to us.' This is not fair. He fucked up, yeah, but he doesn't want to be their personal slave for the rest of his life, just so he can _make it up_ to them. As if helping them by spying on everyone, pissing in people's tea (not like that, he's not Jericho) wouldn't be good enough for now.

It's probably because he's the youngest brother and they always get the shit end of the stick.

'Okay, just so I can prepare myself. How long are you gonna milk that?' Roman's laugh is roaring through the phone and Dean joins him soon after, making it impossible for Seth to stay mad at them. They sound so at ease – even if their happiness might be at his expense. He doesn't have the heart to destroy that.

Seth is just about to walk up the driveway when Dean bursts out, 'Until I sucked you dry.' He's eternally grateful that no one sees him trip over his own feet at that, stumbling a few steps (almost falling into the bed of flowers doing so). He fucking hates that he loves his brothers so much.

'Dean!' Roman yells enraged, probably very close to getting up and whacking Dean over the head again. Serves him right. It's not fair to tease Seth with all of this in front of their big brother and refusing to give it to him once they're alone.

'I gotta go,' he finally says; his three minutes almost over. But Dean is not yet done with him. Of course he isn't. His brother wants to be the one ending the call, needs that kind of power to fool himself into thinking he has a better self-restraint than anyone else. But he knows damn well that Seth is every bit as obstinate as Dean.

'Yeah, be a good boy. And don't forget, if someone asks you to go down and suck it, you know way better than I that one way or another somebody is sucking it.' Okay, seriously, what is going on with his brothers today? If this is how they act in their hotel room the whole time, then he doesn't get why Roman is so worried about Dean.

Sounds like his friend has indeed the time of his life, picking on Seth like in the good old days. 'You'll never let me hear the end of that, right?' He should really think about the things he says on WWE Countdown before he actually lets them escape his lips. It's a big problem of his. The moment he had spoken out those words he knew Roman and Dean would never let go of this.

'Not as long as I'm alive,' Dean confirms his suspicion, but Seth can play this game too. He hasn't spend three years with Dean without learning a few dirty tricks simply by watching him. 'Says the one in the wedding dress,' he retorts, smirking victoriously while bending down to appear like he's tying his shoe. Stalling time is also one of his specialties.

' _Photoshopped_ wedding dress and I just said that because I've already dyed my hair,' his brother tries to defend himself but Seth has Dean exactly where he wants him. 'Yeah, pink.' He's seen the pictures – the internet is a horrible place, the ultimate den of iniquity –, laughed about them with Roman when Dean wasn't around. Good times.

'Shut up.' His brother doesn't even try to sound intimidating anymore, knowing full well that it's no use. Seth might not know a lot about the darkest days of Dean's past, but at least he's fully aware of the embarrassing tidbits. Seriously, this conversation has just made his day and has given him a new, much needed burst of energy. Now he feels a hundred percent prepared for facing the Authority.

He smiles widely when he tries to end the conversation once and for all. 'See you tomorrow.' He can't wait for the evening and night to pass, so he can finally get into the ring with Dean by his side. Seth doesn't even give a damn that they're supposed to be on different sides. All he cares for is that his brothers won't suddenly disappear out of his life. What's a little beating compared to lifelong happiness?

'Have a nice family meeting, ninja puppy,' Dean sees him off good-naturedly, which makes Seth want to end this call with one last pinch of scorn. 'Don't jerk off while thinking of me.' Roman groans somewhere really close to the speaker, eliciting a tiny huffed laugh from Seth, while Dean just tries to play down the issue. 'You wish.'

There's another loud smack, followed by an undignified sound from Dean and then Roman is taking over the phone, obviously fed up with both of them.

He hasn't lost all of his family, hasn't managed to completely destroy it. Seth realizes that with a kind of relief that sets him free when Roman asks of him to make them proud.

He tries not to choke on his own words when he answers, 'Sure thing.' His throat is suddenly too tight, tears gathering in his eyes. He can't believe how a single phone call can send him through heaven and hell in record time.

But there's no time to dwell on it, he has to enter Satan's home. He's probably missed a lot of important stuff already. Just to be on the safe side, he throws his phone in the car. Seth doesn't need another interference tonight. From now on until he's back in his hotel room, he's better off not thinking about his family.

Because tonight he has to be the backstabbing asshole the Authority thinks he is.

* * *


	6. and still you feel like the loneliness is better replaced by this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Then give me a match against Cena,' he suggests, not really intending for the idea to be meant seriously. He just said something so she would stop staring at him like a shark – all dead eyes and predatory. But he can already see the wheels turning in her head and knows he has just made a big mistake.
> 
> 'You might get that next week. I need to talk to Hunter about it first though.' It's not like it'll be a fair match – which is exactly what Seth wants when he'll finally win those babies for the first time –, the little devils on his shoulders ready to 'help' him at any time.
> 
> The only real and wanted help he'll get is Dean's; when his brother rushes out to deter Seth from winning or cashing in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more, guys, one more. Then Seth's playtime will be over =)

They hadn't started with dinner yet, wanting to wait for the whole gang to be there. To Seth, the first hour felt like an awkward family gathering after years of not seeing each other. There was the uncle that was always creeping around, but that no one really liked because he was weird.

That one overzealous, arrogant kid that tried to show off at any given chance; only making it plain obvious what a fucking moron it was. Then there were the clingy, sometimes intimidating parents you could never escape, no matter how hard you tried. And of course the shy kid that preferred to stay hidden in the shadows.

They are still sitting at the round table – like who do they think they are? King Arthur's knights? –, eating the last course of the sumptuous meal. He hasn't stuffed himself like the others did, knowing that he won't have enough energy to work out even more than usual after a night like this.

They also haven't been talking about anything wrestling related, which might be the biggest disappointment of the entire evening. He didn't come here to hear about the early days of the Evolution when they'd trudged around every strip club in town, Flair and Triple H trying to find some girls for Randy and Batista.

Stephanie is laughing all the time, obviously happy with the way the evening turned out. She really enjoys this little meeting, being the family person she is. Seth has never felt so suffocated and trapped in his entire life.

He's sitting between Kane and Steph and is desperately trying for half an hour now to mentally escape this hell. He really doesn't want to think of anyone at this table naked, so he tries to conjure up the image of Dean in the wedding dress instead. It hadn't been a beautiful one, but the mere memory is enough to make him relax a fraction; lets his smile turn somewhat softer around the edges.

Of course it doesn't end with Seth thinking about Dean in a dress. No, that would be too easy. If Dean and Roman aren't here to torment him, then he can always count on his mind to get him into a jam. He definitely has spent too much time with the two of them.

The longer he has to sit there and eat a very delicious slice of apple pie, the faster his brain spirals out of control. First it's Dean in the white gown, then it's the other clad only in garter belts, just so that Seth's mind can take him back to Monday morning; the two of them lying in bed after one of the most emotionally draining nights in Seth's life.

_'You still awake?' he whispers louder than one should while asking that question – hoping that Dean isn't sleeping yet, and if he should be, fully intending on waking him up. 'No,' comes the tired reply, followed by a hearty yawn. Seth's cheek is still pressed tightly against Dean's chest. He has listened to the steady heartbeat for so long that he's sure he won't ever forget the strong rhythm again._

_'I've been doing some thinking,' he presses on, lifting his hand to draw his finger over Dean's abs, tracing the outlines of his brother's muscles. 'I hope you didn't strain yourself.' Seth grins mischievously when he hears the exhaustion leaving Dean's voice. All signs are pointing to them getting some action today._

He feels someone tapping on his leg, making him flinch in surprise. Thankfully, no one saw it. Other than Kane, who had interrupted his thoughts. Seth doesn't understand why he would be so cruel and yank him out of this daydream when he realizes that he's sitting there with the fork in his hand – whatever had been on it must have fallen onto the plate again –, mouth open and ready for the pie.

Seth tries to shoot Kane a cocky smile, but he probably looks like the other just caught him masturbating frantically in the bathroom. His seatmate doesn't comment on it, just smirks knowingly and concentrates on his own dessert. Way to go, Rollins.

He is able to hold on to reality until Hunter and Randy start to joke about things that should better stay buried in the past. Like Kane's rather disgusting liaison with Lita, the love triangle with Kurt Angle, Steph and Triple H and the early days with Test asking the woman sitting next to him for her hand in marriage.

He'd rather drink a whole bottle of whitener than listen to this. What a bummer this night has turned out to be. Even taking a bath in a tank full of piranhas sounds like a better idea. Back to Dean it is. Maybe he'll even be able to continue eating like a normal person.

_'I know we're taking it slow and all that but I've been staring at your dick for the past few hours now and it's like being really hungry for a hot dog, sitting in front of the vendor, mouth watering, breathing in that delicious scent, but you have no money to buy one and that stupid guy won't turn around for a second, so you can snatch one.'_

_Dean laughs before he scoffs fondly, possibly already knowing where this is heading to. Which is good, because then he can decide if he wants them to go there or not. Dean's pace and baby steps and all that._

_'You compare my dick to a hot dog even though you want to do your kinky stuff with it?' Yeah, maybe not his best seduction technique but he is kinda hungry (it's almost breakfast time) and for some reason he really craves fast food for days now._

_'Is it working?' Hey, it can never hurt to ask, right? 'You're the one keeping a close eye my junk, why don't you tell me?' No, it's not. 'Well, if you want to,' he starts, fingers slipping beneath the covers to play around with the hem of Dean's boxer shorts, 'I can lend you a hand. Literally.'_

_'Alright, Punk, it's gonna take a lot more than that to make me say yes.' 'You want me to beg, do I get that right?' Dean pats him on the head again while snickering, all tiredness gone from his voice. At least he hasn't said no either, right? So begging it is. (One day, when he's in his brother's good graces again, he's gonna make him pay for all of this.)_

And begged he had. For almost forty minutes. He had thrown every good (and ridiculous) argument at Dean, had tried to let his fingers do the work for him but everything seemed to be fruitless. Dean never once popped a boner, which frustrated Seth a lot.

Either his brother has the ultimate self-control or he doesn't find Seth very stimulating. (His already cracked pride forbids him to think it's the latter one.)

Seth had to work hard to get Dean to where he wanted him. Like, _really_ hard. He was not only at the end of his rope, but also sweating profoundly while his brother was lying on that bed, smirking that hot grin of his down at him, looking like he just woke up from a peaceful slumber.

It's totally unfair that Dean is one walking sexy pandemonium. And the worst part of all of it is that Dean knows that very well. He's aware of the effect his sheer presence has on Seth, using all of that knowledge to get his payback.

But it had been completely worth it, working for the permission to get that handjob. Just thinking about the little moans Dean couldn't hide from him lets all his blood rush into his cheeks (and other very unfortunate regions, considering he's still under Kane's scrutiny), making him all giddy and ready for round two.

He tries very hard (ha) not to squirm too much in his seat, so he won't attract any more unwanted attention. Seth also fights against the images popping up in his mind, not really bothering him with a pliant and willing Dean beneath him – and boy, will he be able to feed off these memories for a long, long while (mostly because it will take that long for his friend to agree to something like this again) –, but forcing him to slowly lose his grip on reality.

Which would be a fatal mistake.

He really doesn't want to hide at the table until his boner vanished again, like he sometimes had to as a teenager. But it's like talking to a wall or trying to teach an elephant how to tiptoe around obstacles in a maze full of mice and porcelain. The memories keep haunting him, adding even the sound of Dean's breathless gasps and tiny pleas that escaped him once or twice.

He's so screwed.

_Seth is very tempted to pause his movements – wanting to be a little tease once in a while too – the moment he hears Dean grit out an almost desperate_ Don't stop _, just so he can listen to his brother beg some more for something only Seth can give to him._

_Well, technically, Dean could do it himself too, but he doesn't want to ruin this magical moment with logic._

_So, in the end, he decides to be a good (potential boyfriend) person and keep up with his already agonizingly slow rhythm; always trying to not change the pace, no matter how much he wants to. This is supposed to be a mind-blowing,_ oh my God, I'll never be able to forget it _kind of handjob and Seth intends to delay the grand finale for as long as he possibly can._

_This is his tiny rebellion and he's gonna make the most of it._

'Are you alright?' Seth is stuck way too deep into his own mindset to realize that someone is talking to him. Or rather whispering, so no one else will butt into this little conversation. He blinks several times, ridding himself of the memory of a flushed and finally slightly sweating Dean, the little pearls on his body making him practically glow and glisten in the morning sunlight.

He whips his head around, still only able to hear Dean breathing heavily, his mind still concentrated on that blissful moment when their gazes had locked and Seth had felt like the happiest person on earth – because he had found only passion and adoration in Dean's half-lidded eyes.

It might have been because of the heat of the moment but they never lie, right? Seth couldn't hide his concern at Money in the Bank, couldn't keep that out of his stare when they took Dean away from him; so why should his brother be any different?

'Hm?' he answers slowly, clinging to reality with all his strength to find a way out of this mess. He looks into a set of differently colored blue eyes and needs a long, awkward moment to understand that not only is someone talking to him, but also that the person expects a slightly better answer than a hum.

'Oh yeah. Totally.' Kane doesn't seem convinced by his words – and honestly, he wouldn't be either. Seth can feel his cheeks practically burn, the fork is still in his right hand which hangs aimlessly in front of his open mouth. That he didn't start drooling is maybe the biggest miracle ever.

'You seem a little flustered.' Only a little? Wow, so he has a tiny bit of self-control too. And actually, he's not flustered. No, he's painfully aroused and sitting at a table with his boss, the arrogant face of the company, the she-devil and her little demon bitch that she keeps on a very tight leash.

(And why does that remind him of Dean's past and how he has seen pictures of his friend competing in a dog collar match? No, actually, the more important question is why that turns him on so much. It's as if he wants the others to get aware of his little problem.

If Dean and Roman would be here right now, they'd do everything in their power to achieve exactly that. Embarrassing your brothers at all costs is like the best pastime ever. It's how they cut short the time on the road all these months.)

'Me? No. _No_ ,' he finally manages to say after swallowing hard and putting the fork down to cover up his lap with his arms. He's not moving fast, so it won't be too suspicious but Kane looks at him like he can see right though his bullshit lies.

'I just, er, remembered something... nice?' he adds as an afterthought, but the hard stare from his seatmate only intensifies. He needs to get his shit together – not just because he is so horribly _Seth_ right now (and they expect to have Mr "Money in the Bank", Mr "I stab my brothers in the back because I'm awesome", Mr "I'm way smarter than you, so piss off" as their dinner guest and ally) but also because he doesn't want anyone to stare into his soul like that.

He's afraid of what the other might find there.

Kane leans over to him and lowers his voice, reminding him with a toothy grin, 'Boy, I'm almost twice your age. You can't fool me.' Seth's heart is beating totally out of sync right now, his brain already shutting down to launch the well known panic mode, when he remembers his cover and why he's doing all of this.

He can't fuck it up. 'No, seriously, I just–' he tries to talk his way out of this precarious situation, deciding that half-truths always worked best for him whenever he has to play a role. His cheeks still burn, now because he's embarrassed as fuck, and it takes all of his will power to prevent himself from throwing around his hands animatedly, like he sometimes uses to when he talks about something he really, really likes.

Kane just smiles fatherly down at him – it surprises Seth that he doesn't get patted on the head – before he murmurs, 'She worth it?' She who? She what? What the heck's he talking abou– oh. He sometimes forgets that people don't know he swings both ways.

What a stupid question that is though. Is Dean worth it? What, worth all the trouble, all the pain, the heartbreak and tears and frustration and worth the wait? As if anyone even needs to ask this. There is only one possible answer to that and Seth lets his guard down for this tiny, rare moment between him and Kane to clarify once and for all how he feels for that special someone the other will never know of.

'Totally,' he whispers back, a peaceful smile lighting up his whole face. If there ever had been any doubts about him and Dean, they're gone now. He knows what he wants and he won't let it slip away a second time.

He puts on his carefully crafted, smug mask again when Kane asks him a bit curiously, 'You'll bring her with you one day?' Yeah, no chance in hell, but it's tempting to imagine that dinner, isn't it?

Dean storming into the mansion like he owns this place, sitting down, putting his feet on the table, yelling for a greasy pizza just to piss off Stephanie, before digging in, scoffing down the food like some starved homeless guy, asking for seconds. And if he doesn't get them, he'll steal some food off of other guests' plates.

Contrary to some people's belief his brother does have manners, but he loves to rile others up, loves to show them how little he actually likes them. He'd try to ruin the whole evening and would eventually be successful, because Dean is very relentless. God, it would be so much fun sitting at this table and watch him drive everyone nuts.

'Definitely not,' he chuckles, his tone very light, so that it won't seem too rude, but he doesn't even need to worry about Kane. The other just grins knowingly again and winks (the fuck?) at him. 'Don't let Hunter hear then.' Oh, Kane can bet his ass on that. He never wants anyone to know about him and Dean; simply because it's none of their business.

And it wouldn't exactly help his whole undercover thing, if it'd become public that he has the hots for Dean.

But since he's already talking to Kane, he should probably finally start his mission to manipulate people again. He still has no clue what he should do to convince Hunter that Dean has to fight Randy but not him. No matter how he looks at it, Kane is a factor he has to eliminate first.

Seth clears his throat to indicate he's not yet done with him. 'Hey, erm, you got any plans for tomorrow night?' Kane huffs out a tiny laugh, leaning even further down to him, before he says, 'You want to ask me out?' Seth can't stop himself from laughing out loud.

He always wanted to believe that somewhere deep down under that monstrous pile of muscle and behind the scowly facade there is still that heart of gold Seth had liked so much about the other during the Attitude Era.

He was so disappointed when he met _Corporate Kane_ , the lap dog of the Authority and one of The Shield's former bosses because that's not the person he had wanted to work with. One day he hopes he'll be able to fight with Kane against the Authority – and with him he'd also have the support of his brother the Undertaker which would be one of his biggest dreams coming true.

Somewhere the Big Red Monster, the Big Red Machine must still be alive, right? Seth has never liked these nicknames but they stood for someone he looked up to. The Devil's favorite Demon is just a shadow of his former self. And Corporate Kane... well, that's the biggest joke of them all.

But he has to concentrate on the here and now first. Dean wants a match against Randy, because it's fun to show Seth that he and Roman are still on the same page and beat up someone for his brother. And probably a million other reasons he can never tell anyone; they simply don't matter to anyone else than Seth. So he asks Kane as casually as he can, 'Are you gonna be there on Smackdown?'

He will somehow have to talk him into staying at home, so that he can't interfere when Dean attacks him in the ring. Triple H will never even deign to run down the ramp to safe one of his pawns. No, with Kane out of the picture it can only be Orton. And even though Trips always keeps his hands clean, he _will_ send in someone to save his newest apple polisher.

There are not a lot of things Seth is dead certain about, but he just knows that his boss won't just watch while Dean beats him up.

Kane frowns down at him and calmly finishes his piece of pie – making Seth really nervous and agitated on the inside; like why the hell does it need so much time to answer a simple question? – before he shakes his head. 'Not that I know of. You need my help?'

God forbid, no. This is actually the best news of the day. He was so worried about how he could get rid of the big goof and now it seems like he didn't even need to set his wits to work. He just has to play it cool now. 'Who, me? _No_. Everything's peachy in Sethtown.'

That... yeah. It's best not to ever speak about this ever again. He's so fucking out of character tonight that it's not even funny anymore. Kane looks at him as if there's a second head growing out of his left ear, murmuring slowly and a bit hesitantly, 'Why are you asking then?'

_Don't make another mistake, Rollins_ , he chides himself, conjuring up that arrogant cockiness he uses to display all day long. 'Oh, no particular reason,' he answer a bit evasively. 'I just always want to know what my family is up to. It's how I maintain control over everything. I guess, old habits just die hard.'

It's not the best lie in the universe but it does its job. The bigger problem is his hurting throat. Just speaking out the word family and not meaning Roman and Dean is so wrong and feels like there's a razor blade stuck in his air pipe. He wants to cough so badly, to get rid of it but he forces himself to stay still.

Just think about how happy and grateful Dean will be (yeah, right) when he can text him tonight that everything is set in stone for Smackdown.

'Well, I'm going to be at home,' Kane emphasizes again, and it's written all over his face that Seth weirds him out more than just a bit. He bites back a _good dog_ remark but can't stop himself from grimacing.

'You're strange,' Kane remarks, causing Seth's heart to go wild in his chest again. _He's on to me_ , he thinks bitterly, side-eyeing his fork and thinking about stabbing the other with it, so he'll never be able to tell Stephanie or Hunter any of his suspicions.

Seth inhales deeply and forces his lips into something that hopefully resembles a careless smile. 'The good kind of strange, right?' Kane chuckles, clapping him on the shoulder fatherly. 'Whatever you say.'

He doesn't like this particular intonation. It's the same one Kane had used when he had welcomed Seth in the Authority once again. It's the emotionless, soul-sucking _no matter what you do, you'll always end up here_ tone he tries to escape every day of his new life.

He has already opened his mouth, ready to show some defiance – because he won't stay with them for the rest of his life; he'll go back to his real family again, living each day to the fullest – when Triple H interrupts them. 'Hey you two, what are you talking about?'

As if it's against the law to have a normal conversation at a god damn dinner party. It's not like they plot to take over the world. Well, at least Kane isn't.

It's surprisingly also the older one who saves Seth from having to answer that. 'Just getting to know each other a bit better. I mean, we are a family now. We have to look out for each other.' He can't help it, but every time someone calls the people at this table a family he wants to jump up, go to his car and run them all over with it.

'Yeah, what he said,' he adds weakly, angry at himself that he's not the one he is supposed to play tonight. Thankfully he gets a chance to redeem himself when Stephanie starts to (fucking finally) talk about business. John Cena and the whole championship predicament, to be precise.

He doesn't partake in the following discussion, thinking it best to remain silent. But he does nod here and there, and flashes her a smile when she turns to him for some sort of support. He's not really listening to her crap, not interested in who the stupid champion is – as long as it isn't Roman or Dean.

Or himself.

He liked Daniel as their leader, to be honest. That man has a way to challenge everybody in the ring that really appeals to Seth. It's not as intense as it is with Dean but it's good too. And it's a real shame the other got injured and had to go through neck surgery and whatever fate is throwing at him these days.

Stephanie pats him on the arm at one point during her little speech, his skin itching uncomfortably beneath her fine fingers. He looks at her expectantly, realizing he once again has no idea what she was talking about last. He really should pay attention to the others instead of starting to wander back to Monday morning in his mind.

'We need to come up with a good enough way to guarantee you a safe cash in,' she repeats (at least he thinks she says it again, after he didn't listen to her or reacted in any way the first time) and Seth nods fervently, as if Dean's interference wasn't planned long ahead or even welcomed.

She's not talking to the whole group, he realizes somewhat belatedly, because there is no Randy Orton speaking up. And usually, there would be. Mostly because he thinks _he_ deserves to be the champion and not Seth, briefcase or not. He also firmly believes he is the favorite child of Hunter and Randy wants to prove that to Seth every time he gets the chance to.

No, Steph is talking to him even though she often looks to her husband as if she's waiting for something. He stops his brain from showing him a sweat covered Dean, writhing beneath him, using his uninjured arm to lay his fingers over Seth's, joining him in the steady but lazy up and down movements.

'Then give me a match against Cena,' he suggests, not really intending for the idea to be meant seriously. He just said something so she would stop staring at him like a shark – all dead eyes and predatory. But he can already see the wheels turning in her head and knows he has just made a big mistake.

'You might get that next week. I need to talk to Hunter about it first though.' Whatever, girl. It's not like it'll be a fair match – which is exactly what Seth wants when he'll finally win those babies for the first time –, the little devils on his shoulders ready to 'help' him at any time.

The only real and wanted help he'll get is Dean's; when his brother rushes out to deter Seth from winning or cashing in.

But he can't add something like _Hey, take it easy, I have a whole year to get those titles_ because it would be suspicious and not fitting for his role. He has to play his part, no matter what kind of detestable things that might require from him. He has maneuvered himself into this position and now he needs to find a way out of it again.

'You're really smart, Seth,' she tries to flatter him and he flashes her a haughty smile. 'Of course I am. I created The Shield.' Oh God, he hates himself for telling this blatant lie so much that he wants to stand up and bang his head against the wall until he loses any memory of it.

He didn't create their family. It was actually a natural thing, mere coincidence or fate. The three of them worked together, got to know each other in the process (though to Seth Roman's presence felt like an intrusion at first, separating him from Dean) and joined forces when the opportunity presented itself.

Like Roman once said, they'd skipped the friends stage and became brothers instantly.

Stephanie claps him gently on his arm, pride he doesn't deserve crashing over him and he has to fight hard against the urge to withdraw his hand. He doesn't like to be touched like that, or by her. Especially not tonight. Ever since he joined the Authority, he's become so anti-social, it's not even funny anymore.

He really hopes it's just because he surrounds himself with the wrong kind of people and that it'll vanish as soon as he can go back to being his old self again.

'Is there anything you'd like to discuss with us?' she asks him friendly, really meaning her offer, but Seth isn't interested in it at all. He'll definitely never talk about his private life, no matter how much they wanna pry. This is strictly a business relationship and once they become dead weight to him, he will cut this tie.

'Well, I've heard some rumors about Summerslam,' he starts nevertheless, convincing himself that it can never hurt to extract some other information that might be useful. She called him smart and he wants to live up to that reputation. The more he can give his brothers, the less they will ask of him.

At least he hopes that this will be the case. He really doesn't want to see the day when he won't be able to fulfill their wishes, disappointing them yet again even though he promised to fix all of this. It's his duty to make sure they get whatever they want.

He owes them so much more than just a few favors.

Stephanie brushes her perfectly styled hair back, lips twisting into a bizarre imitation of a motherly smile, while the patting on his arm continues. 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it. Summerslam is still far away. You should focus on the titles, Cena and Battleground for now.'

Oh, so the rumors are true. Brock Lesnar is about to come back in August, facing the current reigning champion – whoever that may be by then – to get his five minutes in the spotlight. He's never liked the man and lost all his respect for him when he broke the undefeated streak at Wrestlemania.

He _knows_ it's not the guy's fault that he ended the most amazing record in sports entertainment. But that doesn't diminish the burning hate he feels when he thinks of that man. Seth is so glad that he hasn't heard Paul Heyman brag about the 21-1 for a few days now, hoping with all his heart that the time for that is finally over.

It's hard not to jump at Cesaro's manager and suffocate the living hell out of the man every time he opens his big mouth to talk about his other client even though he's supposed to introduce the Swiss. He really can't understand how Cesaro is able to endure all of that – always only being the one behind the one that's behind the one that conquered the streak.

(And wow, that just broke his brain.)

The Shield and the Undertaker might have never had the chance to become more than opponents, but he's still the most respected guy in the locker room. Everyone wants to have a match with him – and Dean got so lucky to get handpicked by the man himself (he was so jealous of his friend, he didn't talk to Dean for a whole week after that) – trying to prove to Taker and the world that they're ready for this business.

Speaking of Kane's half-brother... No one has heard a word from him for a while now. Seth can totally understand that he's gone into hiding because of the end of his streak but there were also rumors of a severe concussion floating around.

He'd love to ask Kane about the other, if he knows where Taker is or what he's up to, but he bites down on his tongue to stop the words from spilling out because those two didn't exactly part on good terms. (Again.) And if Seth knows one thing, it's how awful it is if people ask you about your family and you have no clue how you are supposed to feel, let alone what you should answer to that question.

So back to the present and Summerslam and Brock. With Stephanie confirming his suspicions he now knows one thing for sure: plan B is not Seth Rollins. No, plan B is Brock Lesnar.

He really needs to start thinking more like a mafia boss, expecting betrayal, schemes and manipulation at every turn. He's not safe. His cash in is not safe (not because of Dean's constant interference, but because of the possible repercussion his title reign could have for none other than himself). His brothers aren't safe.

And that's the part that scares him the most.

The conversation goes back to some Cena bashing Seth doesn't want to join in, so he just helps himself to a second slice of pie and is almost able to finish it in peace when he hears Randy and Triple H joke about his brother. The fork falls out of his hands, the clattering sound hurting his ears and making everyone flinch in surprise.

All eyes are fixed on him, and Seth just clears his throat while picking it up again to eat the last three bites of the pastry as if nothing ever happened. On the inside he is nervous to a point it's making him dizzy. He tries to play it cool, meeting their gazes with raised eyebrows.

'What?' he says instead of apologizing, showing them the jerk they expect him to be. Hunter just laughs it off, carrying on the conversation while watching Seth's every move out of the corner of his eyes. He doesn't make another mistake once they start insulting his family again, this time prepared to keep up his game face.

But the longer they keep on doing this, calling Dean all kinds of names, already planning out to send him to an asylum (and boy, isn't that half his own fault?), locking him up in a rubber room so they can make fun of his predicament, the more nauseous Seth starts to feel.

He once again has to hide his hands beneath the table because they started shaking badly, showing his rage and agony alike. The smile on his face feels like someone carved it into his cheeks and it takes a lot of strength out of him to keep it alive.

His stomach rebels painfully when Kane looks away a bit ashamed, probably remembering the time over a decade ago when some men in white tried to put him in a straightjacket too, hell-bent on taking him to a mental institution while the whole world was watching.

Seth had always hoped that there was a tiny shred of decency left in the other and he's just found it. It should be relieving to know he can work with that in the future, but right now he just feels sick to the point he could rush to the bathroom and throw up.

There is some serious growling taking place in his belly, bile rising slowly at the back of his throat but he can't get up. He can't leave the table right now at this point of the conversation. If he flees as soon as someone attacks his brothers – the ones he too should be able to offend and disrespect in his current role – everyone will realize he's playing a game of his own.

So Seth forces himself to swallow everything down again, wills his hands to stop trembling and joins the verbal abusing of his family, hopefully erasing any doubts about his allegiance.

Every word that comes out of his mouth leaves behind a bitter taste. Every offense is like a stab into his heart, making him want to leave behind this stupid life and join his brothers again, so the Authority will have to eat their own words. But he can't. Not anymore. He's stuck with them for a long, long time and he better makes the most of it.

There is a moment when Kane shoots him a baffled glance – he's just called Dean a worthless lap dog because he obviously got kicked in the head one too many times, losing his touch in the process – and Seth thinks once again the other's looking right down into his soul, seeing through the lies like it's the easiest thing on earth, making his heart stop for a beat.

But then the moment passes without anything happening and Seth can breathe freely again. Kane is definitely on to something, so Seth has to be on his guard even more than usual, but he's also pretty sure he can use that to his advantage in the near future.

He actually has no other choice. Seth needs to turn the tide to his favor whenever he can. And Kane might just the biggest ace up in his sleeve. So to speak.

He's eternally grateful when the dinner seems to come to an end uneventfully. Seth will never understand how he could think that this was going to be a walk in the park, when in reality it was the hardest task he has ever had to tackle. And he counts winning Dean (as well as the rest of his family) back as one of those things.

* * *


	7. it's only as dark as you make it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'How could you put up with _that_ for one and a half years?' He's heard that a couple of times by now – people have been curious about it even during his days as a member of The Shield too – as if no one could ever possibly imagine that Dean has a softer side too.
> 
> Seth didn't endure any of Dean's antics. He got to know and love them and that's the whole story; it's all that matters to him. Because of his thousands facets, Dean is the most intriguing person Seth has ever met.
> 
> 'I controlled it. Used it to defeat our opponents. It's all about channeling that sheer endless, ruthless aggression,' he boasts, head held high. This is not entirely a lie, but it still bothers him that he started this whole _only I can put Dean Ambrose on a leash because he is my personal pet monster_ thing.
> 
> His brother doesn't need to be controlled. There is nothing to contain and release again. Dean is acting purely on instinct and in Seth's opinion that's something wild yet beautiful. Why change something that's already perfect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, all you lovely sweethearts! The final chapter of this thing. Seth has been a lot of fun, so was writing an evening with the Authority (and especially Kane XD). Thanks for everyone who joined me on this long and bumpy ride. I really love all of you; especially the ones who left behind comments and/or kudos! You guys kept me going <3

Randy and Kane leave around eleven, but Seth has still some unfinished business he needs to take care of before he can hop into his car (hopefully that idiot blocking him will be gone by then) and drive away from here.

He helps Stephanie with the dishes, showing her he's a sweet little boy that cherishes a motherly figure in his life (at least it can never hurt to fool her into believing that) before she sends him off with a knowing grin, sensing that he has several things he'd like to discuss not with her but with her husband.

'Just don't take too long. You need to be well rested and at your best tomorrow,' she reminds him with a wink. So they already have plans for him on Smackdown. Well, good thing that he wants to pull the strings a different way, nipping their intentions in the bud.

Tomorrow everything is supposed to be only about Dean. Seth wants to tell his brothers some good news before he'll go to bed alone and forsaken again.

'Hey, Hunter, can I talk to you? Privately,' he approaches his boss, who is sitting in the living room, watching the flames dance in the fireplace. He doesn't get up, so Seth sits down next to him, forcing his body to appear relaxed and at ease. 'Sure,' his boss answers, shooting him a curious glance. 'You okay?'

Seriously, people should stop asking him this question, especially if they aren't really interested in an honest answer. And the ones he wants to tell the truth aren't asking. 'Totally. Couldn't be better,' he lies, listening to his own voice ringing painfully in his ears. He's still not used to it sounding so harsh and bitter.

'I mean, I'm Mr Money in the Bank, right?' If anything else fails, he can still go around and brag about that, right? And it works every single time. Hunter smiles at him proudly, laying a heavy hand on his shoulder. The foreign fingers feel like they're dragging Seth under water, holding him down there so he will eventually drown.

'Our new champion,' Hunter reminds him again, and Seth can't stop himself from being excited and afraid of that prospect at the same time. 'Don't worry, we're going to take care of Ambrose.' Oh, he's not worried about that. Not as long as he secretly tells his brother to interfere in his business.

But it is troublesome that Triple H's first thought is getting rid of his family.

Alright, this is it. His time to play the new Seth Rollins, to show the world he has evolved and adapted. He steels himself to be the most disgusting asshole he can imagine. Later, once he's alone in his bedroom, he will try to forgive himself for what he's about to do now.

'Yeah, what a clingy nut job, huh? Clearly bonkers. And jealous.' They both laugh at that, even though Seth is sure that only his throat is impossibly tight, making it very hard to squeeze air into his lungs. He doesn't like talking trash about Dean in the ring and he definitely hates doing it in private too.

Triple H nods, looking him directly in the eyes before saying, 'How could you put up with _that_ for one and a half years?' He's heard that a couple of times by now – people have been curious about it even during his days as a member of The Shield too – as if no one could ever possibly imagine that Dean has a softer side too.

Seth didn't _endure_ any of Dean's antics. He got to know and love them and that's the whole story; it's all that matters to him. But he can't tell that someone of the Authority. And if the other guys in the locker room can't use their own fantasy to answer that foolish question, then they have no right to get an explanation.

Because of his thousands facets, Dean is the most intriguing person Seth has ever met. Everyone else who thinks Dean isn't worth their time and attention, doesn't deserve him in their life.

'I controlled it. Used it to defeat our opponents. It's all about channeling that sheer endless, ruthless aggression,' he boasts, head held high. This is not entirely a lie, but it still bothers him that he started this whole _only_ _I can put Dean Ambrose on a leash because he is my personal pet monster_ thing.

His brother doesn't need to be controlled. There is nothing to contain and release again. Dean is acting purely on instinct and in Seth's opinion that's something wild yet beautiful. Why change something that's already perfect?

'You really are The One.' The smart one. The Architect. So what? Last time he checked he was also the lonely one.

Time to step up the game. Insulting Dean won't get him anywhere. It will just lead to him throwing up that nice food later (or right now on his boss) and he really can picture a nicer way to end this hellish evening. 'I just... these days he's really going on my nerves. I can't even celebrate my Money in the Bank win without him interrupting me.'

He tries his best to sound fed up and like he's close to commit murder if it happens one more time. 'Seems like he just needs a good pounding,' Hunter says and Seth scoffs, while in reality he couldn't be happier. This is going so smoothly, it's almost too good to be true.

And it also feels like he just got Trips' permission to _pound_ Dean all he wants. Seth wonders for a brief moment if Triple H even knows what he's said. (He can't possibly be aware of the feelings the two of them have for each other... or can he?

But then again, they've never done anything that stupid in front of any cameras. Simply because there never has been anything serious going on between them. Hell, after three years they're still thousands of miles away from having an actual relationship.

No matter how Hunter meant this – and Seth hopes he just had a good old beating in mind, because he doesn't want to think of his boss imagining how he and his brother spend their free time in bed together – it automatically leads his thoughts astray; back to Monday.

He's moving around on thin ice right now, trashing and stomping on the fragile ground below him. Yet, he can't help it.)

_When Dean lays his fingers around Seth's right hand, he instinctively knows it's not so he can subtly force him to change the pace or increase the pressure. His brother seems pretty content with the way things are going. No, Seth can see it in those mesmerizing eyes; all Dean wants is to be as close to him as he possibly can._

_His brother wants to do this_ with _Seth, instead of just watching him do all the work. It's weirdly intimate, but Seth really likes and appreciates the thought. It seems like he has finally broken one of Dean's defenses; his brother unable to hide even the smallest thing from him._

_He licks his lips the moment their eyes meet again and smiles down at his friend, aiming for it to be honest and tender. It certainly elicits a reaction from Dean Seth hadn't anticipated but welcomes nonetheless. His friend bites his own bottom lip while arching his back and hips against Seth, breath leaving his lungs in tiny little puffs._

_Dean is about to come completely undone underneath him and it's the single most beautiful thing Seth has ever witnessed._

There's a mean grin on Triple H's face when he offers, 'You want a match tomorrow? Maybe even a handicap one?' The rough voice yanks Seth back into reality with one violent tug, making him feel hollow and furious at the same time.

Why do people keep interrupting his memories of that night? It's like they'd do everything to destroy the only good thing that has happened to him in the past five weeks. As if they know exactly what they're doing. He can't wait for the day he'll be able to make them pay for this.

Hunter is still looking at him expectantly, reminding Seth of their current conversation and that he's supposed to do Dean a favor, not ruining it by reminiscing over a stupid, obviously life-changing handjob. A match against his brother? And a handicap at that? Fuck no. Dean wouldn't back down from that challenge, he knows for sure, but Seth doesn't want to fight his own brother. Not like this.

He knows Battleground will be a good opportunity to deal with all the feelings of betrayal and hurt and it will lead to an awesome match between them, because it's a little bit like all or nothing and neither of them wants to lose this war.

But after that he never wants to lay even a single finger on his own family ever again. Not if he can help it.

'Actually,' he starts, giving Hunter one of his best puppy eyes impressions, 'I'd like to have one moment of glory without him ruining it for me. I'd like to turn the tables around. Get some advantage over him.'

That sounds good. At least it's not a bad start. And his begging seems to be working, because Triple H goes quiet for a while, mulling this matter over in his head, before finally settling for suggesting, 'I can order Randy and Kane to take care of him.'

No, God, _no_. Kane is thankfully already out of the picture. _Don't drag him back in, you stupid piece of shit_ , he wants to yell but bites the comment back and instead settles for a troubled, 'But it's Kane's free day.' And with that he just mastered the ultimate _good son_ impersonation, faking concern for the demon's private life like a boss.

'There are no free days for the Authority.' Great. _Just go on, Hunter, crush all my hopes._ And isn't that something to look forward to? He's only five weeks into this whole stupid thing and Seth is more than ready to change his name and emigrate to Latin America or maybe Spain. The further away he can get, the better.

And this is just the beginning. His whole life seems to belong to the McMahon-Helmsleys now.

Not with him. He's going to fight against them until he's destroyed them from within. Or until the plan changes. Whatever comes first.

'Nah, I'm sure Randy will be good enough. What about Reigns though?' he tries to shun the whole using Kane as Seth's bodyguard topic by guiding the conversation back to the more pressing matters. He wants Hunter to believe he's worried about Roman thwarting his arrogant celebration; joining forces with Dean against him.

His boss has to assume that Seth wants both of them out of his way, while he needs to keep Dean on a leash because this is just something that won't change, no matter how often he stabs them in the back and how much they might hate each other.

Triple H needs to think that Seth isn't worried about Roman, but about Randy not being able to handle both him and Dean once all hell breaks loose.

'Well, if he interferes, he blows up his title chance. Sound good?' Not really. Even if Kane won't be there to come to Orton's aid, Seth is perfectly aware that – should things get hairy for The Viper – the only guy left (him) will be sent out to safe the boy.

There must be a way to be there from the beginning, to ensure that Roman can attack Randy without ruining his big chance. Seth needs to... he has to... yes.

'Perfect,' he answers with a nod, wanting to convey the impression of being lost in thoughts. 'Can I do commentary then?'

Because that is the only way to ensure his friend won't get hurt too much during the match and to end it as soon as he is in too much trouble – it's not that Seth doesn't believe in his brother; he knows how good he is, but Dean is injured and Randy a jerk. Seth just wants to be on the safe side –, attacking him with the briefcase, causing Dean to win by disqualification, so Roman can rush in and help out his little brother.

Seth is not keen on having to watch the two of them back together in that ring, but it's for the greater good. He just has to hope that they'll have a little mercy on him. (They didn't.)

'What, you don't want to fight him but you want to be there nonetheless?' Hunter asks with a huff, voice not doubtful enough to make him think he has overstepped the mark. All he needs is a plausible answer that explains his hesitation to stay out of the actual fight but willing to come to Randy's rescue whenever he deigns too.

'Keep your friends close, enemies closer.' He's twittered that a few weeks ago, meaning every word he typed. Triple H interpreted this as a pledge of allegiance, but in truth it had been a sign for his brothers. They didn't get it back then, but they do now.

Seth is keeping his family close, but the Authority even closer. He will not fail this time around.

'I like your style,' his boss compliments him, clapping him once on the thigh, the simple action causing Seth's mind to throw him back in time once more. He thinks Hunter says something along the lines of, 'You wish for it, you get it.' But he can't be sure, because all he hears are hectic puffs and a low, rough voice whispering his name.

_Dean lifts his injured arm to cup Seth's cheek, the sound of skin scraping against his scruffy beard echoing quietly in the room. He keeps up the pace, moves their entwined hands slowly up and down, while locking eyes with his brother; the both of them breathing heavily by now, sweat causing Seth's grip to slip from time to time._

_Dean's fingers wander to the back of his head, so he can drag Seth down to him, undoubtedly bothered by the huge distance between their faces. Seems like he decided to grant Seth a second kiss and who is he to decline that offer?_

_He can sense that his brother is close to his orgasm when Dean's body tenses, the kiss turning somewhat rougher and a shade more desperate. Delaying the final showdown once more would be unnecessarily cruel, so Seth finally picks up his speed a tad while making damn sure his brother won't break the kiss._

_Seth wants his friend to moan into his mouth when he comes, so he can enjoy every last bit of it to the fullest; knowing that Dean would whisper out his name otherwise. But hearing it is not as satisfactory as feeling his orgasm shattering every guard Dean surrounds himself with._

_He wants his friend to lose himself in Seth, capturing every emotion with his lips, so he can memorize and relive them forever._

_Watching Dean reaching his breaking point is the best feeling in the world. Seth can't understand why he's waited so long to get a taste of this. Why he ran away from his family._

_He doesn't let go of his brother once he's lying there, face completely unguarded, spent and content. Seth keeps on moving his hand up and down, Dean's fingers still wrapped tightly around his. Time flies by, birds are chirping somewhere outside, the sun shines brightly even through the closed curtains._

_But all Seth can see is Dean beneath him, eyes sparkling, chest moving at a fast pace until the breathing becomes more regular again. There is not a single bone in his brother's body that's not deeply and soundly relaxed. His afterglow might just be Seth's new favorite thing because for once Dean is... well,_ just Dean _._

_His brain starts to turn itself on again, voices in his head screaming for more, for the fulfillment of his own pleasure, but Seth quiets them down. He will get his chance soon enough. He will also make sure that Dean will agree to being topped by him._

_Seth couldn't live with himself if he never managed to tap Dean. But for now he'll just watch his brother fall asleep and clean them up as soon as Dean is too far gone to notice. Small steps. Yet, for some reason he thinks they've made a really huge leap tonight._

'So,' he forces himself back into reality, not quite sure what they were talking about. Thankfully his mouth saves him this one time tonight. 'As soon as that lunatic attacks me again–' 'He'll get The Viper,' Triple H finishes his sentence, helping Seth to finally remember what's going on.

His work for today is done. He has guaranteed Dean a match against Orton tomorrow night, which means that he can now leave this cursed place to crawl back into the safety of his own room where darkness will be his best friend until he'll walk past Dean or Roman backstage tomorrow, the sight of his family making him feel alive again.

'Won't he be pissed?' Seth feigns some concern, knowing he can't just end the conversation at this point. His boss laughs for a few seconds, the sound so out of place that it makes his skin crawl. 'Leave Randy to me,' Hunter assures him and Seth manages to smile back.

Oh, he so is the new favorite kid in town. Which means he can rile Randy up with that to the point where the other makes a mistake, while trying to win Kane over, so that he'll have a huge asset as long as he can't openly fight alongside his true family.

'Thanks,' he says, honestly relieved that this worked out so perfectly and that Dean will get what he wants. Maybe he's not that bad at manipulating people, even if luck was on his side tonight. 'I just need a break from that crazy Freddy Krueger wannabe.'

It hurts him somewhere deep, deep down in his chest that he has to talk about his brother like this, but it's what people expect from him and Seth can't back down anymore. He just hopes that all of this will be over rather sooner than later, so he can go back to fondly teasing his friend instead of flat-out insulting him.

Hunter gets up, Seth following suit, indicating the end of the evening. There is once again a hand on his shoulder, his whole left side turning to stone beneath it. 'We're gonna wear him out, so he won't be a danger to your title reign. And his brother,' he starts, practically spitting out the word, making Seth cringe on the inside, 'won't be able to do a thing.'

It's the last grand act, the final charade of the night when Seth forces his lips into a devilish smile, fooling his boss into believing that Dean's demise is the key to his eternal happiness while the blood in his veins turns to ice. He honest to God feels like he's dying when Triple H winks at him before he pulls him into a vice-like hug.

* * *

_explain this_

Seth stares at his phone, not sure what exactly Roman wants from him. Explain what? They're not even in the same town, working house shows in different parts of Ontario. Roman is almost a three hour drive away and still demands to know what's going on.

Except that Seth has no clue what that something could be.

_Excuse me?_

He can't possibly know – not with Roman being in Toronto and them staying in Kingston – that Dean and he are sharing a hotel room tonight because Randy is there with Roman and Kane isn't even on this tour which means they have the whole place for themselves.

There is no one of the Authority who can hide in the bushes outside to get some compromising pictures of them together. For one night, he doesn't have to hide anything. He can just be Seth Rollins. Together with Dean Ambrose.

Sometimes, even his life can be amazing.

Seth didn't even need to have a lengthy argument with Dean to convince him to do this. (It's actually a shame, because he had prepared a really good speech.)

_sorry forgot to send them_

Send what? Oh, oh. 'Dean?' he yells, knocking on the bathroom door, a bad feeling spreading throughout his whole body. 'What?' comes the equally loud answer, Dean throwing open the door, almost ripping it off its hinges.

His brother is not mad or anything – they have had a really nice time during the house show and a good match on top of that. This is just Dean in the wild. A walking, talking bundle of restless energy. One can never predict what he's about to do next.

'I think we have a problem.' Dean looks at him completely disinterested, apparently not caring about this little matter and not even trying to fake concern. 'The only problem I have is that I'm still standing on my legs instead of lying in that bed to get some sleep.'

How disappointing. 'You can sleep all you want when you're dead,' Seth retorts, making it known that he hadn't had a boring night in mind when he asked Dean to share the room. There are a lot of things he wants to do to Dean, _with_ Dean, and sleeping is not on that list.

Well, maybe afterwards. But you only live once, right?

His phone beeps, alarming him that Roman has send him whatever he's so upset about and Seth holds his brother back at the wrist, leaning close so they both can look at the display.

There are two pictures staring at them, both from tonight's house show. Dean chuckles and launches himself at the bed, where he crawls under the covers to look up at him just to start laughing out really loud. Seth is frozen to the spot, disbelief evident on his face (he can see it being reflected on his phone).

'Fucking internet,' he curses under his breath before he looks more closely at the photographs, while Dean is still laughing like a maniac, pretty happy with his deed.

_now explain_

If he only knew how, he totally would. Roman demands something Seth can't exactly give him. It was in the heat of the moment, a fan thought it'd be funny to capture it forever and Dean... Dean was just his usual self.

Good to know that his brother had even more fun during their match than he did.

_What's that?_

It's maybe safer to stall for time first, so he can think of something intelligent to say. 'A little help here?' he begs his friend but Dean just shakes his head, grinning like the Cheshire cat. 'You got this,' he answers, making himself comfortable in the bed.

_pictures  
now explain_

He can see that. The only problem he has is the utter lack of anything to come up with. The pictures pretty much tell everything Roman wants to know. He's pissed off that his brothers, once again, have failed to keep things professional.

(Seth knows that if Roman were in his shoes, he'd not be able to resist Dean either. And no one can convince him otherwise.)

But it's nice to see that they've already reverted back into their old roles. Seth comes up with a genius plan, Dean is ready to execute it on the spot and Roman takes care that everything goes the way it should; but most of the times he just despairs because he's dealing with two buffoons, making it his job to pick up the pieces.

Here goes nothing then.

_Well, seems like Dean had some fun tonight._

He's getting ready for bed himself, just finished brushing his teeth when he gets a new message. From the looks of it, Roman isn't in the mood for jokes or evasive answers. As if it's his fault that Dean smiled into that damn camera like he just won his baby back from Sheamus; taking back what's rightfully his, what got taken from him by the Authority. (And no, he's not talking about the US title anymore.)

_i am aware  
so is the rest of the world_

Roman is so done with them and their shit.

Seth turns off the lights in the adjacent bathroom and sits on his side of the bed, tying his hair back into a pigtail before he takes off his glasses. There's a tiny noise erupting in the comfortable silence and Seth needs a few seconds to comprehend what he just heard.

It was Dean, protesting with a cute high-pitched whine at the back of his throat against him getting rid of his optical aid. 'Oh, I thought we were going to sleep all night?' he mentions casually, not picking up his frames just to force Dean into taking action.

'Sleeping my ass,' comes the snarky reply and Seth can feel arms wrap themselves around his chest while Dean's fingers try to snatch his glasses from the nightstand to put them back where they belong. 'You didn't invite me here to play Sleeping Beauty. Or wait, maybe you did.'

Great minds do think alike. They really are cut from the same cloth. No denying that.

He keeps the pair of spectacles on, leaning back a bit into Dean's embrace while finally typing out a reply for Roman. Who's sitting lonely and exasperated in his own hotel room 163 miles away, asking whoever listens why he got punished with these two idiots.

_Hey, it's his face, not mine._

'What's he saying?' Dean mutters, hot breath ghosting over his ear, his eyes fluttering shut on their own accord. 'That we enjoyed ourselves too much on the show,' he whispers back, not wanting to break the peaceful quiet they have.

Dean hums a bit proudly, nuzzling Seth's neck with the tip of his nose. 'You should tell him that the real fun hasn't even started yet.' Oh, he'd love to. But Roman would probably freak out and drive the whole three hours to their hotel (making it in just two if the cops don't pull him over), so he can barge into the room and kill them for being two little shits.

Roman's text interrupts any of his attempts to give Dean a partly coherent answer, so he focuses on their big brother instead, delaying the whole _are we or are we not gonna bang tonight_ issue for later.

_you don't seem too bothered by him holding you down  
i told you to get your faces under control_

Yeah, he's already heard a really long harangue about that after Smackdown, because his mask had slipped once again while he was doing commentary. But it's not his fault. Well, not entirely. Dean just had to practically sit on Randy while locking him in that submission move and growl about playing games, taunting Seth the whole time.

It's a lot harder for him to keep his emotions in check since he knows that his brothers, and especially Dean, are aware of his plan and why he turned on them; since they're not angry at him 24/7 anymore.

And Roman can't exactly complain about that because he gave Seth a spear for his behavior after Smackdown had gone off air. Being the awesome, protective big brother that he is.

_Rome, come on. Give me a break._

'Neither of us will be able to ask for that tonight,' Dean breathes into his ear, continuing to tease Seth. There is no way that they'll be doing anything remotely serious after everything that has happened between them in the past six weeks.

It's too early for it, even Seth knows that.

But Dean's whole demeanor does tell its own story, making Seth wonder if he has miscalculated his brother's emotions once again. He'll never learn it.

'Dean, please,' he begs for some reason, holding up the phone with one hand while the other runs over his friend's injured arm which is still tightly wrapped around his torso. 'No begging,' Dean counters instantly, tracing his tongue over the line of Seth's neck down to his scar and tattoo, fully intending on marking him forever like the ink on his skin already did.

_not my cover that's in danger_

That he's even still able to read and understand Roman's words says a lot about him. That he fucks up and writes back a _We're fine_ with shaking fingers says maybe even more.

'Dean,' he croaks out, goosebumps covering his whole body. His brother just makes a dismissive sound and starts to use his whole mouth to caress his skin.

_we_

Shit. He'd kinda hoped Roman wouldn't get wind of that. Especially with Dean gently biting into his shoulder blades. Seth knows that it's a test and that he has to stay calm, that his brother needs to find out where his own boundaries are, but it's getting really hard not to join him.

_seth_

All his brain cells are already on vacation, have taken the night off as soon as Dean started nuzzling his neck. But he needs to pass this test, has to show Dean that he can trust him again. That he's willing to do things the arduous way.

_Oops?_

That's really all his mind can come up with to defend himself. What did Roman expect? That they don't take advantage of him being out of town and behave like well-mannered kids that have never done anything wrong? (And because of that also never got laid.)

He should know them better than this.

_you guys will be the death of me  
have fun though_

What? 'He's wishing us fun,' Seth manages to say, even though his voice breaks and slips into higher (embarrassing) regions, because Dean just tugged lightly at his pigtail, so that he'll lean his head back a bit more, making it easier for his brother to get access to his throat.

_Is this you giving your blessing to us having sex tonight?_

How on earth is he still able to have this conversation? Oh right, because Dean is playing with him, making him horny just to turn off the lights and go to sleep. He knows it'll end like this because he doesn't have any luck lately. Not in those compartments.

_this is me punching you in the face when i see you again_

'He's not happy, thinking about us fucking,' his mouth babbles all by itself and Dean huffs a laugh against a wet trail behind his ear. 'We're not gonna fuck,' comes the answer that lets Seth's whole body deflate even though he knew this would happen.

'But we can definitely fool around,' Dean adds as soon as he senses how hard that hit him. There's another gentle bite being placed on his shoulder and Seth writes one last message to their brother before he decides that it's a pretty generous offer he shouldn't refuse.

_I love you too._

'Hey Seth?' his friend asks after a few hours in a hushed tone and Seth lets go of Dean to look him into the face. It's pretty dark but he thinks he sees his brother all flustered and blushing. 'Hm?' Dean fiddles around with Seth's glasses – taking them off and putting them right back on, so he can avoid looking him directly in the eyes – needing a long time to come out with it.

'Can you,' his brother starts, a conflicting scowl settling in his face. It's so cute that Seth almost smiles at that. 'Can you do, erm, whatever you did last week?' What? The handjob of doom? Or maybe it was the handjob of eternal bliss? Seth and Roman still aren't completely sure about that.

As long as Seth can stay on top of Dean, he'll gladly do anything. Time to put those magic fingers to good use then.


End file.
